The Rockstar Within Me

The Rock Star Within Me - Chapter 49

Copyright 2013

“Fuck this. Fuck him. Fuck everything.” I grumbled to myself.

“Language.” Jess mocked, one eyebrow raised.

I gave her a disapproving look.

“Jeez, sorry girl.” She threw her hands in the air, exasperated.

All morning she had been trying to get me to look on the bright side of the situation. Repeatedly Jess had reminded me that I’d only had to be in River’s presence for a short period of time and then we’d be free of him forever. She retold me that her and the boys fully supported my decisions and would follow me anywhere, but still that didn’t make me feel better.

In fact, I felt the pressure of the entire band on my shoulders. I hated feeling like every decision I made was do or die especially when I was responsible for three other individuals.

I groaned.

“Sorry. I’m just… mad. I don’t know if that’s the right word… Maybe infuriated? Yupp. I’m infuriated. Pissed. Maddened. Enraged-“

“Okay, that’s enough of the thesaurus. Believe me, I totally understand. But you did agree to it hun… If you’re really this upset, just say no.” Jess sat on the coached crossed legged with her head resting in her hands. I had emotionally drained her, venting to her for the last couple of hours and she really had no other argument left to make.

I scrunched my face in distaste. As much as Jess was right, she was also wrong. There was no way I could ‘just say no’ for this situation.

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Then there’s only one thing left for you to do; suck it up Al. That’s literally the last option.”

I hated that she was right. And as much as it hurt for her to give me tough love, I couldn’t resent her for that.

Looking at my phone, I noticed it was almost 1’o’clock.

“I gotta go. I’ve put it off long enough.” I stood up and picked up my purse and swung it over my shoulder.

Today I was wearing a simple grey V-neck t-shirt and a pair of faded jean capris that had huge holes at the knees that I had for years.

I took a second to think about how long I had actually had that pair of pants for.

I think I had received them for my birthday two years ago. I remember distinctly that my mom had bought them begrudgingly even though she hated the ripped part, but I loved them because they made the July weather tolerable.

Reminiscing brought forward a very distinct realization.

“Hey, my birthday is next week!” I exclaimed to Jess, shocked.

She looked as if I had lost my marbles.

“Of course it is. Please tell me you didn’t forget?” She was not impressed because she obviously had remembered.

“I can honestly say that I forgot my birthday.” I was dazed that I had managed to do it.

I finally was going to be turning 18 years old. At one point I was very excited for this occasion. In my mind turning 18 was like finally becoming an adult. But somewhere along the way my big day had slipped my mind and the importance of it seemed kind of mute at that point.

I was the last out of our group to have a birthday that year as the boys and Jess had had their’s earlier on. At the time of the other’s birthday we were either on tour, in Spain or I was currently not speaking to that person so we didn’t do much to celebrate so I didn’t expect much for my big day.