The Rockstar Within Me

The Rock Star Within Me - Chapter 54

Copyright 2014

“Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.” 
― Erica Jong, Fear of Flying"

“Alice," River's voice was low and confused.  "Are you okay?"

 

I stood ten feet away from him, trying to catch my breath and grow some courage. 
I had managed to run from where Drew had pulled up to the house. He hadn't even fully stopped by the time I threw open the door and jumped out. My feet propelled me forward and I didn't let my brain stop to process a single thought; I was going to do this. 

My knees had shook as I sat in the car alongside Drew, who had drove me to River’s house in the Beverly Hills. I hadn’t known what to do with my hands so I settled with holding them across my lap, practically hugging myself. My nerves had be so on edge that I could barely function due to the variety of emotions that were coursing through my body. I was having such a debate with myself. 



Part of me wanted to run away, I wanted to flee to some remote place where I could hide under a rock until my feelings subsided. But hadn't I already done that before? 

Moving to that small town in Spain for a couple months hadn't helped in the past so the likelihood of it "helping" this time didn't seem plausible. 


But that was okay because the other part of me wanted to stay. I wanted to tell the person I had feelings for how I really felt. And that person was standing now, a mere couple feet away from me, unknowing what I was about to reveal.

The air-conditioned cool air from River’s house seeped out to where I stood. Earlier I had felt completely content and warm in my strapless dress and it wasn't until I was standing on my own and vulnerable, that I took notice to the temperature. I hugged myself, placing my hands under my arms in order to keep warm, however it didn't seem to make much of a difference. The Goosebumps that covered my arms still remained. 

Maybe it wasn't the filtered cool air that was making me shiver, instead it could have been the idea of facing such a daunting task; to admit my true feelings for a boy that may or may not share them. 

I stood uneasy, part of me turned to make an escape if necessary.

River spoke again, this time taking a step closer.

“Alice, what are you doing here?”

I looked down at my feet and away from his anxious green eyes.

I was standing in his front door, unwilling to come in. He could sense something was off; how could he not?

The last time I had seen him was less then an hour ago. River probably had just arrived at his home him self and yet here I was banging on the door like a maniac.

He stood wearing a white sweater and a pair of dark wash jeans. His sweater had a bit of V-neck collar, which exposed his bare chest and his hair was slightly a mess so he had opted to leave the hood of his sweatshirt over his head.

River looked shockingly handsome and I sucked in a quick breath, not expecting him to be so dazzling, though I should have expected it. From his bright green eyes to his strong jawline... He always had the ability to take my breath away.

“River, I, you, umm.” I stuttered, not able to find the appropriate words to start the sentence I wanted to say.

Finally, a coherent sentence managed to slip out, although it wasn’t the most fitting.