The Rockstar Within Me

The Rock Star Within Me - Chapter 24

Copyright 2012

"You going to eat that?"

I snapped out of the day dream I was having and saw Mason's caramel eyes starring back at me.

"No. Here, take it." I finally replied, handing him over the untouched club sandwich.

"Thanks." He smiled all too eager to chow down on my lunch.

It was early morning on a Thursday. Mason and I had to do a couple phone interviews for a few radio stations so we were now up and begrudgingly ready for the rest of the day. Luckily not too many stations were interested in us without River.

It was mandatory that I would do interviews but the others would take turns on who would do them with me. It gave them an opportunity to rest and the interviews would have new answers. It was important that we constantly were giving out interesting responses or audiences may become bored with us. And with our impending debut album coming soon (even though we had yet to step in the studio for ourselves) , it was important to gain our own fan base separate from River's.

I brought my feet up on to the bench I was siting on and tucked them against my chest. My eyes scanned the passing scenery as the bus exited of the freeway and into a busy metropolis.

Someone, somewhere on the bus was listening to Mumford and Sons and the music travelled down the hallway to where Mason and I sat idly reading magazines and eating.

Well Mason was eating and reading magazines; I was thinking.

"What's up with you?" Mason questioned, his mouth filled with bacon and tomatoes, crumbs falling from his mouth onto the newest addition of Men's Fitness.

I rolled my eyes at his lack of manners.

"Nothing." I answered with a shrug, brushing my fingers through my straight hair, scrutinizing the split ends between my fingertips.

Truth was, I was feeling the tiniest inkling of anxiety. My mind was logical in the sense that it laid out all the facts and came to the conclusion that everything in my life was fine - perfect even. But my gut was telling me something was off. I just couldn't place it.

At times I caught myself hyperventilating over nothing and I had to quickly talk myself out of a panic attack before anyone else saw. My skin would crawl and my chest constrict. My legs would feel like jelly and all I would want to do is throw up. Luckily I had done a fairly good job at hiding my symptoms from others. Something was bothering me and as a result I was getting panic attacks but I knew if I could just figure out what was the matter I'd be a lot better.

"You're not worrying about what that asshole Oliver said to that stupid paper, are you?"

"Mason, I don't even care about that." I told him truthfully because in all honesty I had forgotten about that days ago.

After we played the shows all across California we moved on to Seattle, Washington. Around the time we got to San Francisco though, a video was released of the incident that had happened at Oliver's house. Thankfully, the video only showed River fighting Oliver and Oliver being knocked unconscious. The video was of bad quality so it was hard to tell if why they were fighting but I was definitely visible in the corner. My face was too pixelated to tell I was crying.

A gossip website that River and I had declined to talk to, also reached out to Oliver. The jerk released a statement saying that he was "hurt" and "confused" at why one of his best friends would physically attack him when all he was doing was comforting said best friend's girlfriend.

Of course, this created a bit an issue on our end.

River immediately called Oliver and cursed him out over the phone. I could tell Oliver wasn't bothered by River's threats of broken bones by the way River's temper kept escalating. Oliver must have felt more confident with the amount of distance put between the two. although, he would have been terrified if he had seen River's face. The only thing that seem to make Oliver worry was the threat of me going public saying that he had tried to force himself on to me.