The Rockstar Within Me

The Rock star Within Me - Chapter 12

Copyright 2012

Luckily, Drew and I were able to get to wardrobe quick enough, that we weren't yelled at too much. We went our separate ways when our stylist insisted that my puffy tired eyes needed to be fixed and since then I had avoided everyone.

I kept to myself on the far end of the stage, pacing back and forth. Tonight, our stylist had put me into a dark blue blazer and dark skinny jeans, calling it her "sexy-sophisticated look". Though she tried to make me feel better, I was beyond being reasoned to at this point. My self-worth had plummeted to new lows and her perky compliments were not helping me. Actually, it just made me feel more pathetic. But I tried to smile for her so she wouldn't worry about me too much; the last thing i needed to feel was guilty.

I tried to think and remain calm but the constant loud noise was distracting me. I had never got used to the screams; the shrieking and crying of hundreds of fans all anticipating something that was almost impossible to live up to. It was scary on normal night but tonight when my self confidence was severely shaken, I was terrified.

I heard Jess' footsteps but refused to look at her. My cheeks were burning because I knew she wanted some explanation. She tapped her foot.

"How are you feeling?" She asked gently.

"Umm..." I paced more. "I guess I'm okay. As 'okay' as a person can feel at this moment." I muttered.

"Well, try not to think about it too much. Mind over matter, right?"

I looked at her for the first time. Jess wore her favourite sequin mini skirt and a black tank top. Her hair was styled in her normal blonde bob with a new cool feather in it.

"I guess. I just really want to get out there." I lied, pointing to the stage.

Jess gave me a sceptical gaze but as if on cue, Jeff walked by. "Two minutes till show time girls. Go find Mason and Drew." He ordered.

We nodded, not bothering to say anything back.

Jess wrapped her arm around my shoulders, pulling me towards the guys on the other side of the stage. Reluctantly, I let her drag me over, my face not hiding the complete dread I felt.

"There's our girls!" Mason called out, as he continued to hit his drum sticks against a guitar case. He smiled at both of us, totally carefree and loving life like always.

Drew stood beside him, arms crossed against his chest, secretly judging me. Well not 'secretly' since I knew he was doing it. I wasn't upset though; Drew just wanted to make sure I was okay because he cared about me and I was forever grateful for that.

I gave him a small smile and shrugged. He took that as a good sign and gave me a nudge.

"Don't worry about." He muttered.

I nodded, not wanting to talk about it any longer especially with him since I had already bared all my emotions with him. It would be embarrassing and uncomfortable and I didn't need that now. I need to focus.

Jess and I grabbed our guitars off the rack, and Drew grabbed his bass. We all spend a second adjusting our straps and testing the strings making sure they were tuned correctly. Something I would never over; not needing to tune my guitar. Thankfully our guitar tech did that and I would never take that for granted.

River showed up then. He wore black jeans with a grey dress shirt, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His look was finished off with his dark brown messy hair and a little black bow tie. Though he looked attractive as ever tonight, I couldn't look at him too long. I was still hurt by his comments, even if there was some truth to them.