Starstruck II: Saruman's Curse

Of Parties and Hobbits (Lord of the Rings AU)

Sam Winchester was fartin' around in the shire, angry at the world. He was the shortest hobbit to ever live. And this made him the angriest hobbit. He lived an ok life; it wasn't very good, but it wasn't very bad, either. He was perfectly content to keep livin' and fartin' like he do. This, however, was a dream he would not accomplish. Suddenly, Charlie burst into his hobbit hole, hitting her head on the doorframe.

"Ouch!" she said, rubbing her head.

"It's not my fault you're tall," Sam said sassily, crossing his little arms. "Why are you here?"

"I've a come to ask a favor of you. My girlfriend, Arwen, has been kidnapped and I need your help to save her."

"Why my help?"

"You're the only one small enough to crawl into tight spaces that I might encounter."

Sam glared at her. "What makes you think I'll help you?"

"I saved your life once. You owe me."

"Fine. Let's go."

"Just like that? I expected you to put up more of a fight."

"Do you want a fight?"

"No, no that's alright."

Sam spent the next few minutes collecting some things he thought he would need for his journey (including his handkerchief) and followed Charlie outside into the yard. Standing around was the rest of the members of the quest. Dean the elf, Cas the wizard, Kevin the dwarf, Harry the muggle, Legolas, Gollum, Frodo, and Aileen. Kevin was standing in Sam's garden, crushing his kale.

"Get off! Get off my kale!" Sam frantically shrieked at Kevin while attempting to shoo him off his kale like he was a stray cat.

Kevin stared down at him, a confused look on his face. "Why is this oompa loompa yelling at me?" Kevin asked.

"Alright, gather 'round, bitches," Charlie said, standing on the stump of an old tree to see out among the crowd. Really Sam should have been standing on it so he could see, well, anything at all, but no matter.

Everyone made their way over to Charlie. Sam was nearly stepped on by four different people.

"Now, you're probably wondering exactly why I have gathered you all here today," Charlie began. "Basically my girlfriend got kidnapped by the evil wizard Saruman and in order to get her back I need to pick up a package and deliver it to Sauron's tower, where she is being held. Also we only have two weeks to accomplish this task."

"Charlie," Dean began, "that's not ever enough time to get to Sauron, much less to pick up any mysterious package."

"Well, where we need to go to get the package is actually on the way, so that's no problem, and we're just going to have to walk really fast. I don't plan on taking three movies to get there," she said with a pointed look at Frodo.

"Rude," Frodo muttered under his breath.

"Wait, we're not going to even get horses or anything?" Legolas asked.

"Well I wanted to, but Sam is the size of a human infant so there's no way he can ride a horse."

"We usually ride ponies," said Frodo.

"Yeah, well, he's still too short."

"Insulted," Sam muttered, "on my own property."