Starstruck II: Saruman's Curse

The Cocktail Lounge (Stripper AU)

"Yo Dean! Good show tonight!" said Kevin. They were all backstage, counting the singles they had gotten from their performance. Kevin was pulling cash out of his g-string, as was Jimmy Kirk (aka the Captain), Harry (aka Magic Wand), Spock (aka Vulcan Sex Grip), Charlie (aka Moondoor), Ashley (aka Luscious), Aileen (Smokey), Emily (Kitten), and Matt (aka Honey Stick). Dean thanked them.

Meanwhile, Jimmy was too busy thinking about the face he couldn't get out of his head. This face had blue eyes and a luscious bowl cut. This face belonged to a boy in the audience that has been coming to shows almost every week. Every time, Jimmy spotted him in the audience and this boy held his gaze for as long as Jimmy was on stage.

Jimmy was in love with this boy, and he didn't even know his name. Tonight, the boy in the audience was wearing plaid pajama pants and a Pokemon t-shirt. His fashion sense made Jimmy swoon just thinking about it. He couldn't wait for next week's show, and wondered why this boy didn't come nightly to see Jimmy dance on the bar and in the neon cages.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve went home and sat on his bed. He thought about how wonderful the show was that night. Jimmy Kirk, the Captain, was so good! Steve wished he could go every night to the Cocktail Lounge, but he had a hard time getting time off work at the fire station. The Chief didn't know the reason he took Fridays off.

Steve started going to the Cocktail Lounge a few months ago when his bff, Shane, took him there. Steve was so impressed with the show that first night, and he was so star struck by the beauty of Jimmy Kirk, that he went every week, telling the fire chief that it was a family thing.

Well, anyway, Steve couldn't wait for next week. Because next week was the night of the yearly show that the club puts on. Steve heard that those shows were spectacular.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The next week rolled around and Steve got into his gross blue pickup truck to go to the show. He was dressed to the nines in his cleanest plaid pajama pants and his nerdiest Skyrim t-shirt. On his way to the club, he stopped at the Motor Inn to pick up his bff, Shane, as he does every week. Shane was waiting for him on the second story balcony, his shirt off and his cool sunglasses on. Shane saw him and folded up his ratty lawn chair and came down the rusted iron stairs. On his way to the car, Steve noticed how Shane's wrinkles made his tattoos pronounced and how his stringy, dull hair billowed in the wind. Steve wished he could look as fabulous as his friend all the time.

When they walked into the club, Shane almost got thrown out, as he does every week, but Steve told the bouncers that he was with him. Steve looked up and saw that the entire club was decorated like a jungle. There were fake vines hanging from the ceiling and every pole and pillar was wrapped in foliage. The lighting was dim and the sound of birds and other animals filled the air.

The club was packed by the time the show was about to start. The stage was also decorated as a jungle. The whole setup was very impressive.

"What do I gotta do to get this on that stage?" Shane shouted, spreading his arms and sticking out his gut, drink in hand. Steve chuckled. Shane was so silly.

Just then, the lights dimmed and flashed, thunder rolling and pounding. Paris, the owner of the club, walked out on stage as the thunder and lightning settled down. They were wearing a safari outfit and was looking hella fab in it. They grabbed a microphone and said, "I hope you all are prepared for an adventure, because deep in the amazon rainforest, there is so much to see! So hurry and grab your drinks, take a seat...and welcome to the jungle!"

Paris left the stage then and the lights dimmed once again. The lights flashed and the thunder rolled back in as green light bathed the stage. The opening riff from the song Welcome to the Jungle*, by Guns N' Roses, started playing. Four vines slowly lowered from the ceiling of the stage. Hanging from those vines were four women who were draped in heavy fur cloaks. They stopped their descent halfway, the ends of the vines touching the ground. At the same time, they took off the cloaks and dropped them to the ground. Under the cloaks, the women were wearing colorful, feathered dresses that matched their face paint. Just as the drums came in, the girls dropped to the ground and started their routine. Their routine was hard and intense and so sexy, it made every girl in a hundred mile radius turn gay.

As Steve watched, he understood why everyone talked so much about these shows. It was spectacular. By the end of the song, the girls' outfits resembled something out of Brazilian carnival.

The opening of Muddy Waters*, by LP, filled the club and the girls on stage stood and looked to the left. The men crawled onto the stage, dressed as cats, draped in furs. Their routine was slow and languid and Steve could feel his mouth watering. All he could see was Jimmy up on that stage.

All of a sudden, a voice came unbidden into his head. It was Shane saying, "What do I gotta do to get this on that stage!" Shane's voice repeated that over and over again in his head and then...the lightbulb came on. Steve had an idea.

The instrumental version of Mr. Saxobeat*, by Alexandra Stan, broke Steve out of his thoughts. On stage, all of the performers were dancing together. They were orbiting around each other in a battle-like sequence. All that glistening, bronze skin was so hot, that the mayor, all the way in town hall down the road, thought a heat wave was coming in and told his family to expect a power outage.

The end of the song was cut off by the roar of a tiger. The curtains at the back of the stage parted and out walked an actual tiger! Riding the back of the tiger was Paris, who was dressed in a spectacular mix of both outfit themes. The tiger stepped into the center of the stage and roared again, breaking up the battle. Paris jumped down from the tiger and spread their arms as they walked forward. They stopped at the edge of the stage and said, "Everyone shall bow to the queen of the jungle!"

The performers all bowed to Paris and then ran off the stage. Paris then said, "Thank you all for coming tonight! I hope you all enjoyed the show! But don't go anywhere, the performers will be back out in half an hour to provide regular entertainment. In the meantime, get yourselves a drink and stick around! This party ain't done yet!"

With that, Paris took the tiger off stage with them as the audience gave a huge round of applause. Steve clapped and went to the bar. All he could think about was his plan.

By: Father Parpar