What am I

23: Confused

"My what?!" I nearly yelled. Looking at the Kale and Zee...Zee, short for...

"Zekiel. You remembered." Seri intruded on my train of thought. She was right though, I was thinking back to the story she had told me about 'how I came to be'. Mentally rolling my eyes, I felt like a massive tosser, not having pieced it together sooner.

"How? How is that possible? My mum...she...you know, gave birth to me!" I said, still not fully understand how I could have two sets of parents.

"Yes, she birthed you but you were never hers. The blood that runs in your veins is the same blood that runs in ours." Kale said while walking over and wrapping her small hand over mine.

"She was merely a vessel for you. There are still many things that even I, after a few millennia of being, still don't fully understand." Zee paused as if trying to find the right words to say next.

"Things are not always revealed to me and you being born twice was one of them. We were just as shocked as you are now, to find out that you would have to wait to be born of a human before you were allowed to grow."

"What do you mean 'revealed to you'?" I asked.

"As an angel, I've been able to see the outcome of certain events. Though I am not always shown the things I desperately wish to see. I didn't know I would seed a child and wouldn't be able to hold him, to see him grow or to share my knowledge with him. I didn't know that my love for Kaleus could even bring forth a child."

The look on his face told me that this was something he had thought about a number of times over the years and it still puzzled him.

"None the less, you are ours and we've always loved you. Though we had to stand in the shadows and let others care for you, we did it to help keep you safe." He bowed his head as if he just confessed to murder.

It wasn't until I heard Kale sniffling that I realized she was crying. I felt the sudden need to comfort her but didn't know how. So I stuck with wondering why she crying.

"I'm crying because I was not the one to watch you grow. To show you the love I have carried for you for decades." She squeezed my hand again.

This was all getting too strange for me. This overwhelming feeling to try and let them in and get to know them. But also the feeling of throwing away my other parents love and care, like the last 18 years didn't mean anything to me. That I wasn't grateful for the wonderful upbringing they gave me and all the love they showed me.

Thankfully, Seri cut in.

"I think we should give Harry some time to mull over all this." she smiled a sweet smile to Kale and turned to Zee. "Let's let him rest, shall we?"

"You're right. Sleep now and when you wake, we'll talk more." He said while wrapping an arm around Kale and pulling her towards the door.

"I'll just be downstairs if you need me." Seri told me as she made her way behind my...parents. That is going to be so weird to call them that! I though before Seri's word sunk in.

"No, wait! I...you...will you stay with me?" I asked shyly. Suddenly finding the plush carpet very interesting.

"Of course." Was all she said as she shut the door and walked over to me. Pulling me to the bed. I could see that she wasn't going to say anything about what I confessed earlier and I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

Had it upset her? I knew she didn't feel the same as I did but I at least hoped she felt something for me.

"Harry, I do feel something for you!" she sighed laying back, focusing on the ceiling. "But whatever my feelings towards you will only end up getting one of us, or both, hurt."

Before I could even think to say anything responsive to her, she pulled me back and flipped over to straddle me. I unconsciously laid my hands on her thighs, rubbing small circles with my thumb.

"Relax, let me show you something." I wondered what she meant as she lowered her forehead to rest on mine before bringing her soft, plump lips to mine. The moment they touched, I could see everything that happened between us within the last hour.

What really surprised me was the feelings that washed over me as I watched the events from Seri's point of view. The way she looked at me and the way my heart suddenly swelled as I watch myself touching her. The tingly feeling that made my stomach flutter and racing of my heart, was all I could sense.

Then flashing forward to the moment I held her on the bed, in my lap and rocked her. I felt nervous, angry, sad and happy all at once. It wasn't until I heard myself say those three meaningful words to her that I felt something strange.

The feeling was the familiar feeling I get when I'm near her but this was intensified. I could feel my heart swell so fast that it was actually painful, but magnificent at the same time. For a few moments, it felt like nothing in the world would ever make me as happy as the moment and when it came to an end the world would stop spinning and I would fall into oblivion.

It wasn't until Seri pulled back that I realized everything I had just felt was from her. They were her feelings. They were feelings far more advance than I ever thought possible for anyone.

I gasped at the thought of her feeling all of those things...for me. As soon as I opened my mouth to speak she bent down once more and kissed me again. This time I could see flashes of me over the years.

The moment she saw my mum, round with me, walking down the street. Her hand placed lovingly over her expanded stomach while talking away to our neighbor. The spark that Seri felt as she heard the tiny heartbeat coming from within the stranger.

Then it flashed to the day I was brought home. Seri, hidden somewhere, watching as my parents brought me from the car and carried me into the house. Her whole body twitching for a touch, the need to hold me and rock me to sleep was overwhelming for her.

Night after night of sitting my crib singing to me, the warm feeling she got when I would reach out and take her finger into my tiny hand. The first time I smiled up at her, the first time she made me laugh and the first time I cried when I could no longer see her.

When I was 5 and I fell down while my dad was teaching me to ride my bike without the training wheels, my first day of school, the day Emma pushed me down on the playground and took my ball from me.

Every birthday, every holiday she was there, watching over me. On my 14th birthday she had even crept in my room and gifted me my first dirty dream. She was even there to see my first 'private alone time' moment. I could feel the shock and embarrassment she had when she looked in and saw what I was doing, I was surprised to see that she promptly turned and vanished, letting me finish in private.

Nearly every moment of my life she was there, in the shadows, always watching. I could feel the love she held for and how it change over the years as I grew. Her protectiveness to keep me safe, her anger when someone hurt me, her sadness when she saw me in tears, everything she ever felt was tied to me somehow.

It was a real shock for me to see the night of my 18th birthday. I remembered every detail of that night...or so I thought.

I was lying in bed asleep when she came in and crawled in with me. Her head gently laid on my chest, listening to my heart beat, while her hand wrapped around my waist. She snuggled up close to me and just laid there for a bit.

It was her speaking to me that finally woke me, it stunned me to see that I hadn't been shocked to see her there. I watched as she leaned over me and placed a small, chastised kissed on my lips before pulling back and whispering 'Foruna dies natalis' (Happy Birthday).

She stayed for a minute longer before standing up and walking towards my door. She turned and smiled at me. The words 'Te amo, semper te amabam, semper te amabo' (I love you, I have always loved you, and I will always love you) left her mouth before she vanished. Leaving me to immediately fall back to sleep.

When she finally pulled away again, I was surprised that everything she had shown me only took a few seconds. My whole life she was there but I didn't know it. This new information had my heart soring and all I wanted to do was tell her that now it was my turn to be there for her. Instead, my brilliant tongue simply asked why I couldn't remember her there.

"I had to keep those memories to myself. It was safer for you, I shouldn't have let you see me, ever, but I was too selfish not to steal those small moments with you." She blushed and looked away shyly.

"Were there more? Did you come to me often?" I asked.

"When you were a baby, yes...as you got older, no. I couldn't put you in danger like that. Though when you turned 18, I couldn't stop myself. I knew everything was about to change and I just wanted one memory of you and me before everything went to shit." she shrugged as if it was nothing but her eyes told me different.

"I love you, Seri." I said as I placed my hands on each of her cheeks. Pulling her to me, I kissed her the tip of her nose before kissing her lips. I could feel the swell of her heart, the way it beat faster when I touched her, the way her breathing increased and her thoughts became a jumbled mess.

I had to smile at the knowledge that I wasn't the only one effected by the closeness we had suddenly gained over the last few days and even more so in the last few hours.

So of course I would have to been the stupid ass who caused her to withdraw from me. My next move was the dumbest I could have made and sure enough, the cautious Seri came back out.

"Tell me how you feel, Seri. I want to hear you say it." It came out more demanding than I wanted it too, but I should have known that with Seri, timing was everything and right now was not the time to go around demanding her to say what I knew she already felt.

"Harry..."she looked at me with pleading eyes and saw that I wasn't going to back down so when she continued I was a bit taken back when I didn't receive the declaration of love I was hopeful I would get.

"You need to rest."

With that she got up and walked out of the room. Leaving me speechless and confused. I knew how she felt, or at least how she felt before all this happened. Maybe now that she knows me better, her feelings have changed? Maybe I mistook her feeling of lust for love from our earlier shower incident? Maybe she only loved the normal 'human' Harry.

It's safe to say that I was left more than confused.