battleships // mirstie

▶ ■■ Should've Been Us

Thinking it could be different, but maybe we missed it. Back and forth like a tug of war, what's it all for? I want it back.

Kirstie

Maybe it was the way he looked at the moon every time he takes a peek on the windows, checking if it's dark enough outside for me to leave him. Maybe it was how the light glistened on his eyes, or how it gleamed every time I talk to him.

Maybe it was the way he touched me, and how I felt the sparks; the thrill of it. Maybe it was the way he made me feel every time we kissed, the way he made my heart flutter to his tricks.

Maybe it was the way he talked to me. The way he is more open to me now, the way he tells every good story he has, like everything is captivating to him. It was, I guess, the way he spoke with excitement when I get home, making me feel like it was always my first time going home.

Maybe it was because of his warm and comforting hugs, the way he would play with me, or tickle me where it tickles. Maybe, it was because of the butterflies in my stomach that can't be used to him and his mere existence.

Maybe there are thousands, or maybe millions, of reasons why I can't just leave him.

Maybe it was how heartbreaking his cries are, like a precious creature crying in pain and fragile glass shattering, it's all ear piercing. Maybe to how attached I am to his smile, and laugh, and attitude.

Maybe it was him why I learned how to love Jeremy.

I'm so stuck to Mitch's fascinating beauty. I wonder how God made him, or how God made me think of my own perspective about him.

Mitch is one of a kind, but I don't understand how such of a fool I could be when I am engaged. This is such a sin, but why does my heart doesn't even bother over the consequences?

I should have stayed where I was hiding, but I may have caught Jeremy's attention as I tried to sneak to Mitch's room. It didn't mean that I was already thirsty of him, but there was this thump in my heart that Jeremy needed to know.

The world needs to know how I truly love Mitch, how happy I am with him, how false I feel for Jeremy. But these will stay in my imaginations.

Sometimes, I wonder what made me stay. What did Mitch do to me? As I drifted away to deep thoughts, I stared at a blank wall, trying to trace invisible dots with my fingers.

I thought of how my lips would collide with Mitch, the way he made me feel that it's almost fictional. I never thought that it could happen to reality. Butterflies and contentment, innocence and hunger, what am I trying to think?

It was like, when there's a moment our bodies collided, there was this warmth that I could not escape; one I wanted to last. One that comforted me, that even though I cried because of tiredness, even though I cried because of stress, only bit of his warmth made difference to all.

When I feel his heartbeat, it makes me want to open me up, like crazy. It makes me want to sob everything, like it begs me to be happy. It begs me to smile, it comforts me. His heartbeat is what kept me going nowadays.

His words are also what needs aesthetic. Like, every word with his voice are just perfect, even the meanest curses sound like it is beautifully made, like it is an art expressed by an extraterrestrial sound; his voice.

Mitch. Why can't I just get him out of the picture?