battleships // mirstie

■■ Expensive

You kiss me like I'm dreamin', like I'm one in a million. I already feel expensive enough.

Jeremy

I tried talking to her, not fuming myself with anger as I went home, founding her where she should be.

It's not entirely the reason why I am angry at her, or why I'm trying to stop myself from doing something wrong, but there's a hint of familiar scent on hers.

There was a hint of Mitch's smell on her; the smell of his home.

I smelled it myself, I smelled it while kissing her in thirst of her love. I smelled it as I was trying to express how much I missed her within a matter of time. I didn't even smell her; the alone Kirstie whom loved me so much and waited for me. Instead, I smelled how sweet Mitch's love for her is.

It turns out that I was not dreaming when I saw her silhouette, running around Mitch's house as if she's escaping something.

I tried to pull away from anger. I tried to think deeply, to even contemplate hard, what words must come out of my mouth. Should it be words of calmness? Words of quietness? Words that will conceal or escape of truth? Words of ignorance?

Not knowing what words I must say, in desperation I tell her, "Won't you speak?"

She avoided my eyes, she averted her attention in an empty space, like every words that are left unsaid in her mind are still trying to be concealed. She frowned and covered her face with her hands.

I hate seeing her suffer like this, so should I leave her? But I just cannot. I do not know who I will be without her, I would feel like there's this missing piece of me.

I simply can't imagine life without her.

"Please," I begged her, trying to be nearer her. "I want you to speak."

I decided that my next actions are to kneel down before her just to get her staring at me, and try to convince her that there's much more time to explain.

But I cannot do it, my body won't cooperate. My heart is too overwhelmed of what is happening. My mind is too numb to make my body speak for the sake of our relationship.

This was the real battle, and the only real weapon is the truth.

I hear her sigh, "Jeremy." She said softly.

I feel my chest thump harder than it should as I hear her silent cries. I was still facing back to her, not trying to listen to, maybe, fake tears. I am so tired of her lies reserved only for me.

"What I have with Mitch," I hear her say slowly, "Is not a confirmed relationship, but yes, I have been meeting with him, but-"

"I knew it! I fucking knew it!" I said, standing up like exploding myself, as if I just self-destructed. She flinched a bit and I feel my heart thump, making me want to cry but I cannot. I breathe in and out, not hurting her.

I have no intentions of hurting her but I want to bang my head on a wall. I want to make sure if this is even reality or I am just dreaming. But this wouldn't hurt like this if I was dreaming, right?

"Did you sleep with him?" I asked. She was staring at me like she has no clue of what I was questioning.

"I asked you, did you have sex?" I was only calmed when I asked it but I swear, if she answers me a yes, I would break a vase.

She sniffed as her voice shook, "No." She was swaying her head and cried the extreme. I felt that it was genuine enough for me to believe, so I accepted it.

She looked down and cried more. I sat beside her, comforting her. "I just want to reconcile everything with you, I don't want this to continue."

She looked at to me and hugged me closer. I smiled as I felt how tight the hug was, "I mean, these arguments."

I feel her nod on my chest.

"You shouldn't do publicity stunts now." I said. "And what's ours is surely not one."

I hear her sigh.

"I want to live with you. I wanna continue loving you, so please Kirstie, let me do so." I said.

"Okay." She adorably said. I just laughed a little, like it was all an act, but in a different way. It was an act about fooling me and making me go round in circles.

It was hard for to accept, but now that I have talked to her, it eased. It almost completely eased.

It's a big decision that I couldn't trust her with her answer, but she's here. She's just here again. After tears, she's here again.

"I love you Kirstie."

She didn't move, but she did say, "I love you too, Jeremy."

At last, it's my name which she said after that statement.

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Author: I hate myself for even trying, I'm very sorry if my writing sucks.