battleships // mirstie

■■ Dear No One

I swear to be good to you. I'm done lookin' for my future someone.

Kirstie

Sometimes, I can't help but wonder: Is Mitch moving on like I am doing right now?

I have been good with Jeremy and it is more than blissful. The seminars are doing a great job between our relationship. I feel like there's really the inner fixing that's happening between us.

I can't help but wonder sometimes, am I in the right position now?

I feel like this is something I could be proud of, even only to myself. It something that I've been wanting even from the start, like releasing all the weigh on my shoulder.

But I also wonder how Mitch is doing. I have not communicated with him for days because of a good cause; I don't want to feel bad. Mitch tends to be very broken whenever he is, and I believe that he's been doing well.

I have seen some of his recent Superfruit videos and recent pictures, he seemed to be far from being broken.

But I, myself, can't believe what just happened. I was down for a long time before Jeremy, again, lifted me up and reminded me of the life we used to be building. He like, gathered my pieces up and he's willing to continue it.

I don't exactly know why it seemed like he understood a thing, as if he was there when I felt happy with Mitch. It was as if he knew what I felt when I was cheating on him.

I felt embarrassed at first, and very down, but as perfect as he could be, he wanted to make me feel like I'm still welcome. He made me feel loved. He got me in his arms again.

It is one of the reasons why I couldn't take my love away from him; the fact that he loves me back. He was obviously trying to get me back.

I was hesitating if I should even continue loving him, because I don't want and I'm afraid that I'll fail on loving him back. His love is too much for me to take, and I just want time for myself.

I was not deserving anymore, but he put his trust in me.

I remember asking and telling him, "Are you running out of girls to love? There are lots of us out there."

He responded with, "If there are a million of girls out there and you happen to be in a crowd with them, I'll still exert effort and hardwork just to find you."

He could have said, "someone like you" but he didn't.

I have opened this situation up to my mom and she said that I shouldn't make another mistake and always follow my heart. She added that I must not let Jeremy go, if it's my choice to stay with him.

It was a huge mistake to be with Mitch while in a relationship with Jeremy, but I considered it as a challenge for me and my fiancé.

It measured his love for me and the understanding he gave me. I could never get his trust back, but still, he's trying his best to trust me, especially that the world tour is coming.

This time, it's my challenge to reciprocate what he's giving me. I need to restrict myself from temptations and always be reminded that Mitch is only a friend.

Jeremy is never hard to love. He's a person who will make you learn how to love without him knowing. His charm and his persevering attitude is what you'll love the most.

He focuses on his passion and all that.

Well, now I'm sure.

I think I found myself back in his arms again and I couldn't be stronger.