battleships // mirstie

▶ Something Beautiful

Because all that you need is a little room to breathe.

She was trying to compose herself after talking to Jeremy. She asked herself what monster is living inside of her. She tried to think deeply of how she had to involuntarily talk to Mitch that night, telling him that she'll be gone for a while.

It was like breaking up with him because of a reason again, but this time it's not even stupid; it's a serious one.

Maybe she hurt Jeremy, to the deepest part. Maybe she hurt Mitch, to the middle of his emotions' core. Maybe the decision is already on her palms before she knew it.

This was the time she didn't want to come, a time that is unimaginable. The time that she didn't decide to come, a time that she forced not to occur.

She will eventually hurt someone. She doesn't want that to happen, but what if Mitch go back to his depressed state? Will Jeremy be so disappointed at her?

There are so many questions in her head that made her heart pound like crazy. She bowed her head and prayed, "Why would you allow this to happen, my God?"

She waited for an answer, a solid one, but she only felt it in her heart; the reason is it's not God's plan for her. It's not God's plan for her to break someone, or to break herself in guilt, or sin.

The worst thing to contemplate was reality. She did not want this, but she fell so hard that she cannot go back to her original position. If she tried to contemplate even more, she will just end up blaming it to others and it's not for her to cross across boundaries like that.

She won't want to blame anyone but herself. She put the pressure on her. She tried to ease her mind off it and tried not crying, but she's just really not used by herself.

She got up of their sofa, she'll be doing just reality check. She needed to be sure if this was even real.

Don't worry, she only washed her face by the sink.

Everything was shocking, after all. She didn't want to think what Mitch would say, because before else, he was the one to make her strong. Mitch already became a big chunk of the messed up story.

But she decided over it, she needs to bring something in end.

Having all these thoughts congested inside her heart and mind, she tried putting it into words, which seemed impossible from first.

She wanted to write a blog about it, she wanted to open up even just a little bit to her followers, to her fans. She wanted it to be private in a way, like no judgements should be available.

Yet this is her worst nightmare; the lack of people to give an outlet. She felt like something is weighing her and she constantly just overthinks about it. It's something like, coming out, if it would be compared to that.

It was a confession that, maybe, she's ashamed of. Maybe, just maybe, she wants to keep it as a secret because that's how a treasure box is treated; to be hidden from everyone.

She has no words to even describe her current situation. Even the words in her thoughts stutter a lot as she wrote it with her permanent pen. She crumpled and crumpled papers everywhere, until she find the right words.

She wrote the first things to come in her mind:

Bet you would not understand, and in a way, I may have missed a thing as well. Love is attainable in certain matters, and sometimes, you do it on your own mysterious way. It is a word which you don't know if it is a noun or, the feeling itself.

It is felt everywhere, yet in often places, it becomes more and more unimaginable; indescribable, or even unconditional. It is so common, that ironically, it becomes so rare.

She continued it, until she found the right answer to focus on: to reconcile everything with Jeremy.

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Author: I don't know where this story is going but let's go!