Shawn Mendes Imagines

Funeral

A/N

I'm sorry. I had to. Its just a thing. I prepare you now *gives you tissues* also I know a family member of mine just died so I guess irony alert. Oh well

Have you ever just didn't feel anything. Just emptiness. Too sad to cry. Too angry to scream. Too afraid to think.

I looked at myself.

Black dress.

Black shoes.

Almost black bags under my eyes.

Pale features with stressed pores that cratered my once smooth skin.

He loved my smooth skin.

He loved my messy hair.

He loved me.

That is the one question I didn't dare ask this week. If he loved me. I know he loved me. He told me. Many times. But he showed it in every move he made. The intertwining of fingers and rubbing my thumb. The sweetness in his tone he didn't talk to anyone else in. I flattened my dress of its wrinkles, as it was used on our first year anniversary a few months ago, and later not touched.

The soft knocks of my mother erupted my volcano of sad thoughts.

"Yes mother?" I called quietly.

"The funeral is about to start sweetheart," Her voice was always deligate. But now it was extra wary. Everything she did was with hesitation. Worry of hurting me with a mistaking of a pharse. I could compare him to everything though. Everything had a tie to him. This is it, as I looked at the mirror. The day I have been counting down but regretting.

The collection of 'Sorry for your loss' and 'He is in a better places's made me only more empty. And lost in emotion. Because that is how their pities were. With empty feeling behind them other than pity for the girl he left behind. The empty respects though with good intentions, had bad products. It was here. I didn't show to the visitation. Shawns casket, I had no idea if it would be open. Or not. But I don't know if I could even handle knowing he is lifeless in that box. He always deserved more than sleeping in a box. We signaled into the church. The place where the happiest and more dreadful things can happen. Me and Shawn would never have our happiest moment. Though we already faked our vows once. We would never be able to be linked from our lips and then linked for life. I walked, not really walking, with my mother. I was not walking, because I was not doing anything. Every move was tired attempt to pretend I was okay for everyone else's sake. My bones were solid and cold though. Clashing in war against movement, my heat clashing with logic.

We filed into the seats. I was silent. I glanced at the many people. Most I did not notice. That, made me relieved. Less empty gestures.

That is when I noticed that the casket was open. My eyes froze. The priest gathered up at the front. In which he started the speech about how great he was. He never mentioned his flaws. He had many flaws. But every flaw was shaped so elegantly, like a swans wings, that no flaw could be covered with such praise. That is when I got called up.

Me and Shawn talked about death. Maybe more than most couples. I was depressed. Am depressed. I have thought of dying before. About what it would be like. We both said we would speak at either funeral.

We didn't know how heartbreaking this all was.

But I promised. And I can't break promises.

I stood. Every glance on me. Every deathning stare.

We never talked about the casket. I don't know if we had the streng to. Now I was walking to it. I walked up. He was so peaceful. In a nice suit. Hands tucked at his sides. His hair slicked back.

He was handsome. His lips. The taste came into mind. His cologne. His necklace, that still lied around his neck. He looked perfect. As he always do. But now it was fake. And the once pearly smile would never widen as I walked in my prom dress down the stairs. His eyes would never look deeply into mine, as our talks went deeper into our welcoming souls. I stared. My hand grazed against the cherry wood.

"He died young. They say the best die young," I said.

"We had a tree. A tree that hung above a river. We called it our bitter sweet escape. And we had the deepest and most stupid conversations. Everyone though, even the useless ones, held a meaning to him. Everything had a meaning to him. Nothing nor no one was useless. He used to say every molecule in something builds up something in your life. Our love. Was so much more molecules than anything in this world they could build. It was so much bigger than we could think of. We tried to explain our love for each other. But explaining in words was not enough for something so strong. Shawn Peter Raul Mendes was a strong man. A brave man. He gave his own life, with all the fears of dying and not knowing where he would go after death, for a family. Who hit that tree. And with flames so tall, he brought them all out, but lost himself. He was a classic hero. But he was a so much more of a hero everyday. He saved my life every day. He kept me going. He held my life with his strong but delicate hands. And though the tree that burned that day along with your life, and the place we fell in love was gone, every moment was there. Every memory of Shawn Mendes will stay with me forever. And the love. Will never fade. Shawn Mendes will never have any more new stories. But every one he had meant something to this world. And this hero made such an impact on my world. He saved it. I can't thank him enough for that. I can't thank him enough for every glance, every word and every touch he gave me. Because every one means something to me Shawn. And I love you,"

I was crying.

Tears streamed my cheeks as everyone clapped quietly. I glanced at him.

"This is not goodbye Shawn. I will see you soon. And I won't forget you till then," I whispered.

She didn't know how death worked. She didn't know if she would actually be with him. But she knew he was already with her. His love took a part of her soul. And it carried her throughout life until she died.

A/N

Love you all