Shawn Mendes Imagines

Because I Had You.. (Part 2)

I couldn't fully breathe. I wasn't expecting her to actually call me back. I was expecting to be sitting out here with my girlfriend sleeping inside, talking to my ex. But here I was, at 2 AM, a coffee in one hand and my phone pressed against my ear. She sounded stressed. And I didn't blame her. I was stressed as well. I regretted leaving those voicemails so bad that my bones even felt like they were trembling.

"Why would you leave those messages?" She sighed. I bit my lip.

"I miss you. I am sorry." That was all I could come up with. I didn't have a reason when it came to Y/N. She made me do things I would never do sober. And I wouldn't have to take one hit or one shot. I just had this feeling around her, that made me feel like I was on Cloud 9. But it always ended up with me falling face first into the dirt.

"Don't you understand what this does to me? How many times are we going to do this?" She asked.

"It doesn't matter. We both have relationships anyways," I muttered.

"That didn't stop us last time," she countered. That brought a heavy silence that cut us off for a very long time. Neither of us could think of anything to say.

"You promised me," she spoke up after a while.

"I promised you what?"

"That you wouldn't be the one to fuck it up this time. Do you remember that? I said I wouldn't ever go back to after the -what?- three times we talked before then. And you said I would have to be the one who ended it, cause you weren't ever leaving, right?" I heard her voice crack. I heard her struggle to get the rest of her words out before she would quickly wipe her eyes and bite down on her lip until she gained her composure again. I knew her way too well.

"I know."

"We do this every time. We would talk, be going very good actually, until you decided you didn't think this would work, and that we were better off as friends. Then you wouldn't speak to me. And we wouldn't be friends. Until you would come back and you would reel me back in. You know how much I hate myself for letting you control me like that so many times?"

I didn't know what to say. Well, I knew what I wanted to say. I wanted to say I loved her, and that all I want is her. But what would that do? She was right.

"Can I see you?" I asked. She laughed.

"Have you not listened to literally anything I said?!"She exclaimed.

"I have and I don't want to have this conversation over the phone."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because-" she stopped. "I am worried that if I see you, all of it will come back. I am doing alright without you finally after you broke me Shawn."

"Please, just let me see you."

"Fine. Roberto. 20 minutes," she said then hung up the phone.

I hurried inside and as quietly as I could to grab my wallet and keys from my bedside. I saw Lindsey sleeping, and had to look away. Then rushed out the door and down the street where I would wait for 30 minutes to see Y/N walk in the door. I was grabbing a slushie, talking to Roberto when the door bell rang. I glanced back and saw her. She smiled only slightly. Then waved to Roberto who smirked at me then greeted her with a giant hug.

"Y/N, oh dear has it been way too long," he said in glee.

"I know. I never come down this way anymore. I'll have to do that more."

"Really?"

She glared at me after I asked that.

"To see Roberto," she clarified

"Really? You two aren't together again?" Roberto asked annoyed.

"We never were," she frowned for a second, but masked it. Then it got awkward. Roberto decided to show us his nacho machine. We weren't listening, but pretended to while we tried to steal the other's glance.

Soon enough, she said she had to get heading back, hugged it out with her good friend Roberto, promised to come by more often and scurried out the door.

I glanced at Roberto.

"Why you looking at me!" He shouted and pointed at the door. I sprinted out after her. She hadn't gone far.

Dark, cool, barely windy, quiet night.

So why was I sweaty, and it was so loud in my head?

"Y/N stop!"

She turned, sighed and rolled her eyes.

"What!" She exclaimed.

"I never got to talk to you," I said.

"Did you really have anything to say?" She asked.

"No."

"Exactly," she stated,turned and started walking again.

"Do you think we would've still been together?" I asked.

She glared.

"Like if I lived here always. If distance wasn't in the picture, would we have?"

"Why does it matter?" She yelled back. I walked up to her.

"You know what? I guess it doesn't really. But I just want to know if you think we would've actually had a chance," I admitted. She stayed silent, looking at the cement.

"Yeah Shawn. I think so. But it doesn't matter anymore."

"Nothing matters really. We all just die," I joked. But she didn't laugh. She just kept looking at me, not staring, like a creepy way. Just looking at me. Communicating. Because our eyes said much more than our mouths could.

"If nothing matters, then what about your girlfriend?" She asked.

I know I shouldn't have said it, but I did.

"Nothing matters if I'm not happy."

Then I really messed up.

I kissed her. Which lasted about .5 seconds, and I almost missed in the first place. But I kissed her. And I had been wanting to do that again for a very long time.

She quickly backed up. Breathing heavily.

"Well I am!"

She started to walk, again.

And I chased, again. It felt like this would never end.

But every time she started to walk, we both knew she wanted me to follow.

"Are you really? Do you really feel the same way when you kiss him? When he holds your hand? Are you telling me that you feel the same love when you lay next to him that you did me?"

"Of course not Shawn! But you're out, and gone most of the year! I'm here. And I can't do that," she exhaled, clenching her fist against her head. She shook her head and looked at the sky. "I have to live life. I know when you leave, you go off to a different life. But we don't just pause when you go off. This world doesn't wait for you to come back to us. We are living, just like you. I can't just sit here and wait for you to come back when you feel like it."

I knew how messed up it was.

Leaving my girl in my bed, confessing my love to another at the dead of night.

But life is full of regrets, and letting her slip couldn't be one of them.

"You moved on not because you love him. It's because you couldn't love me," I said.

"I'm here. Love now! Instead of having 50% constant, let's live when we can, 100%. Because I want you. 100%."

"100?"

"100."

This time, when I kissed her. She kissed back.

A/N

It's been tough lately. But I'm trying my best to still give out as much as I can!

Also yay a part 2. I never let you guys have those anymore. But I was feeling generous. You're welcome :)