Shawn Mendes Imagines

Tell Me It's Okay

A/N i think i post too many song based imagines... oh well

Shawn's POV

She was crying.

Uncontrollably.

And it broke my heart.

We were in her room watching a movie. She had been distant all day, brushing me off every time I asked why. She just blamed it on her lack of sleep, a dumb test she had today kept her up. But then I would see her smile at me after, and it wasn't her smile.

Her smile was brighter, looser, fuller.

She lied to me all day.

I knew because of the glaze in her eyes every time I mentioned her state. I knew because the slack in her shoulders, her frame tensed up. I knew because she didn't look at me as much as she usually does. I knew because she said sorry when she bumped into my arm. I knew because   she shook her head randomly after zoning off, and would grin.

I knew because I know her. And she was not okay.

We were in her room watching a movie. I was holding a bowl of popcorn in one hand, and massaging her leg with the other. She was laying on my shoulder, cozied up beside me. All of a sudden she whispered

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry for?" I asked, glancing down at her. She broke from my grasp and sat up. I sat up too. She just stared at me.

I knew because she physically looked like her mind was fighting her, like something in her was tearing her apart.

"Y/N," I said. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. When she opened her eyes, she couldn't hold it anymore. She let of a sob. I instantly pulled her to my chest. She wrapped her arms around my back and cried into my chest. "It's okay Y/N."

"We aren't even together Shawn."

I couldn't say anything at first. We used to be. We have know each other for 2 years. Highs and lows. Love and hate. We have been through it all. We always classify ourselves as complicated... which is complicated. Some days we are watching movies and kissing, some days we are watching each other cry and yelling.

We never which one we will be.

"We could be," I muttered, not even realizing I said it out loud.

She stepped back from me, slipping off the bed and turned towards the window, wiping her eyes.

"No we couldn't. We're a mess and you know it. We're dysfunctional," she snapped, raising her voice. I was standing now.

"You won't even give us another chance!" I exclaimed, feeling defensive.

She faced me, her expression changing, angrier.

"You agreed to this. You said you didn't want a relationship either! You said this what is you thought was best too!"

"Well maybe I am wrong!" I yelled. She bit her lip.

"We can't. I can't. I can't risk being hurt again," she cried. She looked naive. Not the kind that you say when someone is ignorant. The kind that you say when someone is vulnerable. She seemed like a kid, broken, with all her emotions spilled onto her maroon rug.

I took a step closer to her and held out my hand. She softly grasped it. She stared at our hands. She gulped.

"I've been dealing with some stuff. And I want to tell you. I want to tell you everything. But I can't," she choked up a cry, but held it back. "I hate myself every time I tell you or anyone for that matter, anything. I have lived so long not telling anyone anything that I don't know how to now."

"We all have demons. You don't share yours ever. When you're ready, you will if you want though. And I'll except any you throw at me if you let me," I replied. Her eyes finally left our hands and met mine.

"Will you tell me it's okay?" She asked.

Tell me it's okay.

"Yeah." I hugged her again. "Yeah. It's okay. It'll be okay."

She nodded, and tightened her grip.

"Thank you, for understanding."

"Of course. I might not understand something you say at first. But I will try always. I'll never give up on you, okay?" She nodded again.

"I want to be with you. You know that right?"

"I do."

"I just can't right now."

"I know."

"So why are you still here?"

"Because I'll wait. I'll wait forever if I have to. Like I said, I won't give up on you."

She smiled, and lightly kissed my cheek.

"You realize you sound like Jason Marz or one of those other pop singers."

I laughed.

"You know, maybe I should be one of those pop singers. Then I can make money off of how chaotic we are, eh?" She chuckled, and we gathered back on her bed.

A/N

I wish I could active on here the way I used to, but I am not in the mindset for it. I think about y'all constantly though and I see all your comments! Keep them rolling!! Also cute ending, right???