Fafr's Epic Random Book

ROMANCE CRAPPINESS

So we've all seen romance.

Songs, websites, dating sims. One way or another, it's creeped into our lives.

But what do you do if you don't know what to do about it?

Don't worry, Fade is here to help with advice, confusing cliché intros and chocolate.

So I am dealing with guy troubles myself. I really like this one guy a lot because he's helped me through so much. But enough about me.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is a bunch of bullcrap

It is scientifically proven that the more time you spend around someone, the stronger your feelings are toward them and the chance that you'll develop romantic feelings for them is higher as well. So don't obsessively follow everywhere they go, but be sure to talk to them at least once a day.

The friend zone doesn't suck (that much)

Everyone complains about the friend zone.

"omg i'm stuck in the friend zone with my crush like i keep thinking he doesn't want to be my bf omg what do i do"

Word Crimes by Weird Al Yankovic describes me right now.

But actually, the friend zone doesn't really suck that much. Like I said above, it's vital for a relationship.

I was friends with my crush before I actually started developing feelings toward him. I actually liked another guy when I became friends with my current crush.

Man that makes me sound like a many-Senpai yandere-chan. If that makes any sense whatsoever.

Texting dun dun duuuuunnnn

PROPER GRAMMARIZED TEXTING IS IMPORTANT AF.

I will involve science again. Most people are not attracted by sentences like this:

"omg so i like went 2 da stor 2dai and bot a can ov pepc"

This sentence makes me want to puke.

Grammar and spelling are so so so important like I can't even stress how vital they are.

I, for one, think that guys should be well educated in grammar and spelling. I'm not saying you have to ace all of your English papers, but it helps to take a little bit of time to learn some grammar.

Never write words using numbers. It looks stupid and probably takes more time.

Be, see, are and you should be spelled out because the letters look incredibly idiotic.

I's should be capitalized. Beginnings of sentences as well.

There is a HUGE difference between it's and its. It's is short for it is, for example, "It's very cold outside today." It's is a contraction, which is where they shorten it is to it's, like I'm for I am and she's for she is. Whereas its is a possessive. To help explain it better, I'll use an example. Its would be useful in, "The cat lashed its tail angrily," because it would look stupid if it said, "The cat lashed the cat's tail angrily." It kind of helps define what the tail belongs to.

There are periods, question marks and exclamation points for a reason. Use them at the end of sentences. It's annoying when people are like "What who's outside their door I'm so confused what's happening I just had some chocolate" because I honestly have no idea what your question is anymore.

You're and your are two COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS. It's just like the it's and its thing above. Your helps define what the noun after it belongs to, and you're is a contraction.

I'm not a grammar teacher but I hope I helped. Your text messages should be like this:

You: Hi. How's it going?

Crush: Good. You?

You: Eh, good enough. Are your plants doing okay?

Crush: Great. My bell peppers finally sprouted.

You: Awesome!

This is a little exaggerated as maybe your crush doesn't care about grammar (stop texting them immediately if they don't. THEY AREN'T WORTHY)

The big flood of emotion

That exhilarating moment when you get to discuss romance with your crush.

BUT DON'T EVEN MENTION IT.

You're probably thinking, "WTF, Fade?! You work till 1 am on a romance guide and now you're saying I don't even tell him?"

(Or her. Idk.)

But *Markiplier voice* Oh, lemme tell ya!

Confessing your romance to a guy is awkward. Wait for them to make the first move. Drop very, very subtle hints about it until he/she asks, "Do you like me?"

I recommend replying with, "Why do you ask?", because it gives off a slight air of confusion. Which is good, because giving off the obsessed Yandere-chan vibes to Senpai is not a good thing.

They'll most likely respond with something along the lines of, "Well, you've been hanging around me more recently and your other friends give you looks when I'm around. So I just thought I might ask."

This is not the part where you go, "I LOVE YOU MY DARLING OH YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME LET ME KISS YOU." In fact, don't ever do that.

Say, "I don't know. I guess I wouldn't mind it if we went out, but I guess I wouldn't care if we stayed as friends either."

This is not some sob story romance novel where they say heartfelt cheesy cliché confessions to each other. This is real life and you have to come off as subtle as possible. Even if being with them would be the only thing that makes you happy.

If they confess they like you too, great! Congrats!

If they don't, it's fine. I've been rejected a many good times and I've always gotten over it. But idk if that's just me.

Well, hopefully this works. Because aside from the grammar and sciencey stuff, I have no idea if this is good advice or not.

Anyways, it's a quarter past 1 am and I'm tired af so baaaaiiiiiiiiiii

Love you all ❤️

~ Fade