At night when you go to sleep a guy named Dave watches your dreams.
He's like Santa, he just doesn't give presents or have a holiday. He also looks like a hobo.
Oh and it's not like he has to watch your dreams he's just that stalker-ish. (<- new word, learn it bro)
Seriously though, while you're lying there sleeping- dreaming about ponies or murder or whatever the hell you chicks dream about. (That's right, I read the stats. Over half of you people are female the rest don't want to share that info. I might as well cater to you.) Dave is creepily staring into you're dreams.
That's right ladies, dream about ponies all you want, Dave will still be there. Staring at you while you ride those ponies over a rainbow of blood and murder, because we all know that secretly women are a bunch of twisted psychopaths.
No one knows where Dave comes from but whatever disgusting hole he crawled out of we can be sure that it's probably New Jersey. I mean, the place that gave the world Snooki must be the center of creation for all things evil.
So remember tonight before you go to sleep Dave will be there waiting for you in your dreams. Silently watching you, and every single unicorn your little mind can create.
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Disclaimer the Derek Jones represented by this account is an online personality. The real life Derek Jones does not condone the idea that one sex is better than the other, nor does he avidly support gender stereotypes. Although, he does finds both of those ideas very funny.
(*I don't want to be considered a sexist asshole in real life because of this chapter or anything else I've said or anything I may say or publish in the future. I like women, my mother was a woman. Now she's not. Hahahahaha, just kidding as far as I know she's still female. Either way I don't really care. That's my dad's problem not mine.*)
YOU ARE READING
Your stupid to read this story (2012 Watty Awards)
فكاهةThere's no need for a description, the title says it all. I like cake. And cookies. But not celery. Celery's gross. Hahahaha, that wasn't supposed to show up in the description... Oh well.
