He Loves Me Not *Under Editing*

Recovery Road sucks.

I woke up to a man clearing his throat.  My eyes flew open as I inspected my intruder.  It was just Alex.  I released the breath I didn't know I had been holding in.  I was still in Laurie's clothes from last night.  I questioned why I was dressed this way and the memories came flooding back.  I put my face in my hands and cried.  Alex came over to my bed I could hear him raise his arm to console me.  "P-P-Please don't touch me.  I feel so dirty about yesterday, a-a-and I am just not ready yet."

He moved his hand and ran it through his hair.  I cried for a few minutes.  He just sat beside me and told me it was okay. "No Alex, it isn't okay.  If I wouldn't have gotten drunk, I would have been able to get away from Mike.  If...  If I wouldn't have left you I-" 

He pulled my face to look into his.  I cringed at his touch and he released me.  I could see the hurt look on his face.  "Don't you dare say anything about it being your fault.  You did nothing wrong.  He is the one that touched you.  In a way, it's my fault too.  I should have beat his ass right then instead of letting Laurie hold me back.  He wasn't even supposed to be at that party."

I looked at his hands and held back the tears.  He stood completely still as I got up.  I went over to my dresser and grabbed clothes out of my drawer.  Without my say so, he got up and left.  I gingerly moved my left hand as my right tried to get dressed.  I got my pants in through one leg and then tripped.  I let out a small shriek and he ran in.  He saw my predicament and went to leave.  "No, Alex, please help me."

He walked back over and helped me sit up.  I grabbed his hand and he stood me up.  He was careful not to look or touch me as he fixed my pants.  "Thank you."

"No problem."  He went to stand outside again.  "You don't have to leave."

"I will only stay if it won't make you uncomfortable."

"You've seen me without a shirt on before."

"But, under different circumstances."

"If I don't try now, you may never be able to be in the same room with me.  I have to get over this affliction, and I may be able to with you here with me."  He nodded and sat on my bed.  I pulled off my shirt and he turned his head to the side.  I squirmed into my shirt and told him it was okay to look now.  He got up and walked over to me.  The closer he got the more anxious I became.  I tried to steady my breathing but it came out ragged anyways.  He sensed my discomfort and exited quickly.  

I covered my hand with my face.  I know he won't hurt me.  So why am I so afraid?  I trudged out to the kitchen my mom was sitting at the breakfast bar.  "Honey, you don't have to go to school today."

"Yeah, I do.  It's not like He is there anymore, and I need to keep Alex from killing someone."

"If you feel uncomfortable, your mom will be happy to drive you."

"Thanks, but I am going to try my best to stick it out."  She nodded and gave me a small smile.  I walked outside and got into the truck.  Alex was clenching the steering wheel.  I shut the door and sat back in the seat.  "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize for something you have no control over."

"Alex... I feel like we should break up."

"Why?  I love you Cyd."

"I don't know if you love me for my sake or yours.  I don't know when I will be comfortable around you again, and I don't want you to wait around for me to be okay.  You should be able to see the people you want."

"Cyd, I love you for you, I loved you before this, and I'll love you during this.  I won't ever stop loving you.  I don't want to be around anyone else but you."