He Loves Me Not *Under Editing*

As the world spins, I lay still.

It was a couple more hours before they took Alex back to his room and I was left alone.  My ass hurt from sitting in the same position, but I didn't want to move.  I didn't want to do anything.  Hell, I didn't want to breathe.  I guess I am under some kind of observation because it was a lot of blood, even with twins.  That sucks, I just want to go hide in the corner of my room and cry.  Alas, that is not an option.

The only movement I do is crossing my arms.  "I want Alex."

"Sorry darling, but we aren't done yet."

"You can finish in his room."  I glare at the nurse.  She nods and rolls me down to his room, I think that she is scared that I spoke, or doesn't want me to go on a rampage.  She knocks on Alex's door before entering.  I see his eyes light up as I am parked next to his bed.  The sheets have been changed and Alex is in his regular clothes.  I guess he's leaving soon.  I glance at the clock on the wall and it looks to be four in the morning.  Great, maybe we will leave at the same time.  

I look at the nurse expectantly.  She walks over to the couch and picks up a pile of my clothes that are freshly washed.  I guess there was blood in them as well.  I don't even bother going into the bathroom to change, Alex has seen it all before.  As the nurse rushes out of the room I slip off the gown.  Well, I tried to.  The gown got caught on something and I struggled to pull it off.  Alex strode over and easily removed it.  While he was standing behind me, he brushed the hair off of one side of my neck and kissed it.

I wormed away and shrugged into the gigantic clothing and sat on the couch.  He quickly claimed the spot next to me and grabbed my hand.  The only way to get out was to crawl over him.  "Cyd, please don't do this to me.  We have been through so much, and I don't want that to be thrown away."

"So now I can't maintain a relationship, or have kids.  Just adding that to the growing list of my failures."

"That isn't what I meant, it isn't your fault what happened to them."

"Then who's is it?"

"Mike's, he had a rogue chromosome that wasn't compatible with you."

"How do you know it wasn't me?"

"Well, I don't, but you are so perfect in every other way, that something this small couldn't tarnish that."  I scoffed.

"Alex, I knew you wanted to get laid, but damn I never thought you would be this dedicated."  He pursed his lips as the nurse came in with both sets of release papers.  I signed where she said without thinking as Alex read his shit.  After handing my papers back to her, he pulled her aside and whispered something.

I was too tired to give a shit.  She nodded and came back with a glass of water for me.  I rolled my eyes as I gulped it down.  Before passing out, I hear Alex whisper thanks and my blood rushing through my ears.

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I wake up as Alex is driving down a road.  I didn't even know that my head was on his lap until I opened my eyes and saw his determined ones above me.  

I wait before the car pulls to a stop before I sit up.  He looks startled and curses under his breath.  I wipe the sleep from my eyes and twist my head around looking for a surrounding.  I can't recognize shit.  I go to open the door before he pulls me into him shutting down any attempts at escape.  Why can't people realize that I just want to be alone?

I glance at the clock on the dashboard.  We left the hospital at four and it's six now.  He has been driving for two hours.  Where in the hell would he be taking me for two hours?  I look around again and watch as he drives into a field.  What the hell are we doing here?  He drives for another few yards before stopping and getting out.  "Alex, what the fuck?"

"Just follow me."  I open my door as he grabs two little crosses out of the truck bed.  Oh fuck no.  I get back in the car and lock the doors.  There is no way in Hell that I am participating in the burial of two kids.  He pounds on the door and I just shake my head as the tears stream down my face.

He unlocks the door and drags me out while I am quite literally kicking and screaming.  He throws me over his shoulder to no avail.  He may have just had surgery but there was no way he was making me do this.  "Cydney Andrea Thompson!  This is for your own good!"

"Fuck you. Alexander."  I run out of breath and just lay there in the tall grass while he stalks off.  I hope he leaves without me.  I hope I am left here to rot like a corpse.  It's not like there is anything out there for me.  I hear pounding and sit up as he is nailing them into the ground.  I hope he tears his stitches.  He turns around to look at me and I flip him off.  He chuckles and walks over to me.  My goal is to kick him in the balls when he gets close.

Sadly, he must be able to read my mind because he goes behind me and lifts me from under the shoulders before I can turn around.  I watch the ground slide away as he walks me around to the back of his truck and throws me in.  He crawls in behind me and positions me in the crook of his arms.   "You want to know something?  I was honestly terrified that I wouldn't be a good father."

"Well, now you don't have to worry about it."

"Oh but I still do.  You see, I dream of you having my children, and it is obvious that you and Mike weren't compatible.  So you and I must be.  After all, your fiery personality mixed with my bullshit persona would be a hell of a combination."  I couldn't help but laugh at his stupidity.  He actually made me smile, and I thought that would be impossible.

I laid my head on his chest and stared at the clouds.  With the light breeze tickling my nose and his hands wrapped around me, I calmed down and thought about the future for once.

Yes, I did want Alex, yeah I also wanted kids.  I wanted the perfect life that every girl dreams of, and I thought it would be possible.

My mom always said that you had to work hard to get rewarded, and I think that I have worked hard enough.  That part about letting the universe prove I was a horrible specimen?  Scratch that and go to plan:  Have the best life I can with the man I love.

I put my head in his chest and inhaled his scent.  Just laying like this proved to me that it would be okay.  Everything would be alright.