He Loves Me Not *Under Editing*

Trois

I couldn't sleep.  I tossed and turned, probably disturbing Alexander, but I couldn't help it.  Maybe it was because it was in the middle of the day, maybe because I was supposed to be in school, or maybe because there was just too much shit going on.  Occasionally, he would mumble something illegible and pull me into him.  But that was the extent, he really didn't wake up.  It was now almost noon, he had slept for four hours, but he also hadn't slept since four in the morning so I figured that I'd let him sleep.  At least until four, I didn't want him up all night.

I felt terrible for him.  He had lost his best friend and was unsure about his future with me.  I could just pick him right now, but that wouldn't be fair to Jake.  Speak of the devil, my phone started ringing in my back pocket and the caller ID said it was him.  Alex had his arms wrapped tightly around my back and was snoring lightly into my face.  I really couldn't get up and had to accept the call here.  But I didn't want to wake Alex up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, I heard what happened, are you okay?"

"Yeah, Alex is taking it really hard, though."

"I bet, so are they okay?"

"Um, depends on who you ask."

"What do you mean?"

"They aren't coming back to school."

"Oh."

"Or going home."

"Cydney, I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, it hurts, but I think I'll be fine."

"She'll always be with you."

"I have never really believed that, but I guess.   He and I were pretty close too."

"Oh, do you want me to come over?"

"I'm kinda in a bind right now, but a little later would be nice."

"What do you mean in a bind?  Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I've been wrapped in a distressed, sleeping, seventeen year old's arms for the past four hours."

"Ah.  You think he's gonna be okay?"

"I hope so."

"I'll talk to you later Cyd."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye."  It kinda struck a nerve when he called me Cyd.  I really only liked Chyna, Cameron, and Alex calling me that.  Alex came up with the nickname after all.  I put my phone in my pocket again and stared at his sleeping face.

He looked like he was in deep thought, or else really wound up.  I gently put my left hand on his right cheek and rubbed my thumb against the bone.  His eyelids fluttered and slowly opened.  "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"What time is it?"

"A little past noon."

"Shit, why didn't you wake me up sooner?"

"Because you were sleeping and I didn't want to wake you.  You had a tough day."

"So did you."

"Yeah, we both did, but it's fine, I told you I wouldn't leave you and I didn't."

"No, I should've been awake for you."

"Alex stop, I'm fine."

"I'm not, you needed me, and I wasn't here."

"You were, just you holding me and hearing you sleep, and mumble was enough."

"I was mumbling?"

"Yeah, what were you dreaming about?"

"Nothing."

"If it was a strong enough dream to get you to mumble, you need to tell me."

"I had a dream about them."

"Oh."

"I was telling them everything, and they were telling me who you were gonna pick and shit."

"What did they say?"

"Oh, nothing much.  I just hope what they said was right,"  He had a huge grin creeping onto his face, "I guess, if they are right, you would have ended it already.  Unless you want me to be dramatic."

"Who do you think I'm gonna pick."

"That's for me to know and you to find out."

"Find out?  Wouldn't I already know?"

"Maybe.  Or you are just too confused to say for sure."

"Tell me, Alex!"

"Nope,"  I growled and he slowly backed into the wall against my bed.  I mockingly flipped to my knees and crawled over to him.  His arms were up in surrender and his grin turned into a laugh.  

I straddled him and let my hair down to the point where it just barely tickled his face, meaning I was inches from his face, and my lips hovered right above his nose.  His eyebrows were raised in mock fear and his arms slowly moved to my back.  I turned my head, and he took the opportunity to pull me onto his chest, and when I turned back to him, my lips were suddenly on his.  One hand moved to cup my head and mine instinctively went to surround his face.  

He rolled over so I was on the bottom, but still held me as close to him as possible.  He kept kissing me, and occasionally tugged the bottom of my lip with his teeth.  He had never done it before, but it was hot.  My heart fluttered, and I knew that from his time in the hospital that his was racing.

After a few minutes, he released me and lowered me onto the bed.  I was breathing heavily as he rolled back onto his back next to me and covered his face with his hands.  He moaned.  "What?"

"I'm just an idiot?"

"Huh?"

"I'm supposed to be grieving, but instead, I am making out with someone that I am not a hundred percent sure is still my girlfriend."

"That kiss seemed like you were sure.  And there isn't a set way to grieve.  You do what you think you need to dol"

"Yeah, but Jake is still in the picture."

"Alex, you can't let that stop you, you want to kiss me, kiss me, you don't, don't.  Just don't think about it."

"How can I not?"

"He doesn't."

"How do you know?"

"Because he doesn't hold back."

"What does that mean?  Have you and him?"  His eyes closed and his jaw clenched.  Out of the corner of my eye, I even saw his hands ball into fists.

"Had sex?"

"Yeah.  God Cyd, please don't tell me."

"But you just asked."

"I don't want to know."

"We haven't."

"Okay."

"But you do need to stop thinking about him."

"Why?"

"Because every time you and I get close, he pops into your mind and you just become so distant for a few hours.  It's torture!"

"Yeah?  Well, it's torture for more than one person."  He crawled over me, but instead of staying there, he got off the bed and stalked into the hallway.  I was pissed.  He wasn't the only one that was going to have blue balls, and he didn't have to make a huge decision in three days.  He didn't have two fucking people that cared so much about him... Shit.

I was right, he really didn't have many people that cared about him.  He only had me...