He Loves Me Not *Under Editing*

Thank God.

"Please let him be alive, please let him be alive.  Oh God, please let him be alive.  Please don't let him die."  My head was still pressed against his bare chest and I was sobbing.  As the sobs wracked my body, I tried to focus on his breathing.  They were still shallow, but that still meant he was alive.  

They stopped.  His breath stopped.  I cry harder until I feel two strong arms wrap around my body.  "Why are you crying?"

I sit up and see him blink his eyes a couple times.  He's alive.  HE'S ALIVE! I bend forward and kiss every inch of his face.  "Good morning to you too then?"

"I thought you were dead!"

"Why would you think that?"

"I tried to wake you up and you didn't.  You wouldn't wake up Alex, I thought you were dead."

"Well, you are stuck with me."  I scoffed through the tears and hug him again.  He pets my hair and holds me.  His breaths grow stronger and so does his heartbeat.

"This sort of reminds me of Hunger Games."

"Huh?"

"The second one where Katniss thinks Peeta is dead and Finnick gives him CPR..."

"Oh, kinda."  I kiss his neck.  

"So... How was last night."  I can sense the nervousness in his voice and I chuckle at how insecure he is. 

"It could have been better."  His body visibly tenses.  "It was a joke, Alex.  Last night was amazing.  I could have done without this morning, however."

"I'm sorry love."

"I couldn't forgive myself if you died."

"It isn't your fault."

"I wouldn't be able to, though."  He pushes me up and stares into my eyes.

"Sweetie, you've got to forgive yourself.  You are going to have to wake up at four in the morning and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of dawn while brewing coffee without me.  You are going to have to sit next to the man at RTD who's reading Shakespeare and start a conversation because I won't be there to text.  

"You are going to have to go home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower and wash all the sheets until they smell like your favorite detergent you bought at the dollar store.  You are going to have to stop taking my death personally because you are not the moon kissing the black sky.  You are going to have to compliment someone because their eyes are the same shade of brown as mine and tell them that they remind you of melted chocolate.  

"You are going to have to move on.  You are going to have to sleep through the night without my arms around you.  You are going to have to stop overthinking what happened and if you could have stopped it.  You are going to forgive yourself, darling, you have to."

"Where do you find these?"

"Tumblr and Instagram, but that isn't the point, you are going to have to do this and I am not going to be there to help you."

"How do you know, you may have unfinished business and live with me as a ghost."  He gave me a crooked smile and brushed the hair out of my eyes.  I fluttered my eyes and looked at his bare chest. If he doesn't put a shirt on soon, I might have to jump him.  I crawled off of him and went into the bathroom.  I wiped my wet face and retreated back to his room.  He was half dressed in a pair of black jeans.  "You know, I thought about proposing to you."

"Why didn't you."

"I am too broke for a ring, and I thought that it would make it harder to move on if we were married."

"I feel that you are right."

"No comment about 'How did you know I would say yes?'?"

"I think at this point, we both know that it is a given."  He nodded and went down to the living room.  I stood back a few minutes and thought about changing into my clothes from yesterday, I had no underwear and I was definitely not comfortable going commando.  

I strutted to his parent's room and dug through their drawers until I found his mother's underwear drawer.  I hoped she wouldn't kill me.  I slid them on under the shirt and followed Alex's invisible trial downstairs.

He was lounging on the couch watching TV when I walked in.  I wandered into the kitchen and looted the ingredients for a bowl of cereal.  I took my sustenance into the den and sat with my legs over Alex's lap.  "What you didn't make me anything?"

I rolled my eyes and fed him a spoonful of honey nut cheerios.  He moaned in pleasure.  I laughed and ingested my own meal.  We took turns eating until the bowl was empty and he drank the leftover milk.  I leaned forward and placed the bowl on the coffee table with Alex pressing his hand around my stomach so I didn't fall off.  I leaned back and scooted over so I could settle in the crook of his armpit. He draped his arm around me and flipped through the channels until I snatched the remote and retraced the shows until I got back to a rerun of Young & Hungry.  I had seen this episode a lot but I was not going to miss seeing it again.

We sat in the same position for the entire first season of Young & Hungry, then his parents came home. They walked inside and saw us sitting huddled together.  His dad just shrugged it off, but his mom sat down next to me.  "So, how was ultimate date night."

I turned to Alex, "So was this another thing that everyone but me knew about?"  He blushed and quickly nodded.  Grr.  I faced his mother again, "Last night was amazing."

"I hope so, he was so anxious about everything that was going to happen."  I had no idea my boyfriend was so nervous about impressing me.  Was I that much of a bitch?  "Why were you so nervous?"

"I just wanted it to be perfect and-"  There was a knock on the door.  Before either of us could get up to answer it, Amanda was up and halfway across the room.  I looked at Alexander and mentally pleaded for him to continue but he didn't.  A few moments later Amanda came back with an officer.  I was confused for a second until I remembered.  They were going to wait a while to get my statement.

He sat down on the couch diagonal from us and took out a notepad.  Alex wrapped a possessive arm around me and I watched as the officer proceeded to check me out.  Ew.  He was at least forty with a receeding hairline.  "Ma'am, do you still remember what happened a few nights ago?"

I wrinkled my nose and Alex assuringly rubbed my side.  "I don't think I'll ever be able to forget."

"Would you like your boyfriend to step out of the room before we continue?"

"No, he saved me."  They both slightly nodded and I noticed the officer staring at my crossed legs for a little too long.  I uncrossed them and heard a nearly inaudible growl resonating from Alex. 

I quickly rattled out the rest of my statement and walked him out.  Once I heard the door shut, I felt two arms wrap around my waist and a chin rest on my shoulder.  "Pervert."

"Agreed."

"I'm the only one allowed to look at you that way."

"You don't think that the shirt is to short?"

"Quite frankly, I think it is too long."  He sucked on my neck like he did last night and my knees gave way.  He held my waist until I regained my balance and I went upstairs muttering something about having to change.  

I got upstairs and overheard his mother and father arguing.  "I don't know, sure it could save him, but it could also kill him.  The doctor said that it was a rarely used procedure."  That was his father.

"Adam, we are not the only people in his life now, think about Cameron and Cydney, if they knew that he could live, what do you think they would want?"

"He isn't their son."

"I think we should at least talk to him about this."

"Fine, but if he isn't making an educated decision, we discuss this by ourselves."  I couldn't believe this.  

Alex could live.