He Loves Me Not *Under Editing*

So close yet so far.

Alex left with his mom, opening the gate because she couldn't scale it.  I retreated to my childhood playground and sat on one of the benches.  Memories of Mike came flooding back from when we were under the slides.  I walked over to the volleyball pits and sat on the wood divider.  Sticks and stones littered the otherwise fine grain sand.  I took off my flip flops and shoved them into the damp, cool, hidden area under the pocked surface.

I don't know if his dad realized that Alex and I had every class together, so there was nothing he could do about that, but it wasn't my problem.  I just had to show Alex that we would just have more limited time together.

I started building a sand castle and didn't stop until it was complete.  Even though it kept collapsing, I made good progress.  It looked like a little house that I would want to live in with Alex when we were older.   I wiped my hands on my pants and stood up.  Sand coated my feet so I rubbed them against the grass and brushed off the tops as much as I could before I put my shoes on.

I go through the gate like they did earlier and retreat to my house.  The aspirin is starting to wear off and my head begins a steady throbbing.  His family is long gone.  I go inside and swallow another couple of pills with a glass of water before retreating to my room and throwing away the tequila bottle.  I owe my mom about twenty bucks for that.

I lay in bed and check my phone.  I have a text from Chyna and a call from Cam.  They both have a stamp of about two hours ago.  I am too lazy and hung over to respond.  

I put down the phone and put my hands over my eyes.  Maybe I can get a quick nap before school tomorrow.  I don't want to deal with idiots and a headache at the same time.

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My nap turned into a good night's sleep.  I wake up at five thirty with no possibility of sleeping for another thirty minutes.  I dress in a sun dress for summer and put on a hint of makeup.  My hair is behaving today so I french braid it into two pigtails.  I'm making coffee as Chyna texts me.  U didn't ansr me yesterday, wht's up?

Sry, I had a hang over, downing a bottle of tequila.  But I need u 2 pick me up today.

Y?

Alex's dad took the truck.

A-hole.

Yea.  Y r u up this early?

Couldn't sleep.  U ready?

Making coffee, want sum?

Yea, b there in a min.

I put down my phone and poured my drug of choice into a container.  I did the same for Chyna and sat on the porch waiting for her to get here.  She pulled up with Cam in the back (shocker).  I crawled in, balancing the coffees, my backpack, and trying not to show Cameron my ass.  It was easier once Chyna relieved me of the two drinks so I could swing my bag in front of me and sit down.  

It was a silent ride to school, only taking three minutes.  We were there at six, only the kids in the jazz band or theater rehearsals showed up this early.  Cam suggested sitting in the car but was overrode by Chyna and I saying no.  We gathered our things and entered the school.  Careful to avoid teachers, we made our way to the auditorium that was only about ten paces from the door.  Indeed, the theater kids were in their practicing, but so were three other people.  

The principal, Alex, and Adam were all standing in a semi-circle and the two adults were talking intently.  Cam walked up to my forbidden boyfriend and gave him a 'guy hug'.  His dad looked over to us and pointed at me.  The principal shook his head as I walked over there.  I continued anyways and joined them.  "I don't want her around my son."

"I can't really control that.  Kids will be kids and if they want to be together at lunch or sit together during class, I can't stop them."

"Then change the schedules."

"This late into the year?  It would be pointless.  There are only two weeks left Mr. Thompson."

"Fine, I'll figure something out."  

Adam stormed off and left me there staring at the principal, he shrugged his shoulders and turned his attention to the theater group on stage.  I waved at Will and smiled.  He smiled back and continued the scene.  Alex, Cam, and Chyna had long gone so I was left alone in the dark room.  I left to go find them as his father was yet again standing outside, talking to Ms. Anderson this time.

"You do realize that she is my daughter and I want her to be happy right?"

"You do realize that he is my son and I want to keep him safe right?"

"So you're saying my daughter is a danger?"

"To my son, yes."

"How?"

"She, uh, talked to me in a very vulgar manner and I did not appreciate it."

"Boo hoo, I heard all about that fight.  I'm not going to do anything."  Adam stormed out of the building this time and Anderson spun on her heel to look at me.  I gave a curt nod with a small smile and she returned the favor.  Today was turning up Cydney.  I follow my English teacher to the room and sit down.  Alex sits next to me and passes me a note that has been folded so many times it feels like going through a labyrinth as I unfold it.

I hope we last.  I hope we do, but if we don't, this is how I want you to remember me:

I want you to remember me curled up, listening to the sound of your heartbeat and tracing maps across your skin.  Remember me laughing at your jokes, even the stupid ones.  Remember me in tears because one time you made me so sad neither of us thought I would recover.  Remember me brave, that time you held my hand and I thought I was going to die.  Remember me scared and gentle, but only for you.

Remember me happy, all the ridiculous ways that I tried to get your attention- some have yet to come.  Remember the way I was too stubborn to talk to you and how absolutely insane it drove the both of us.  Remember all the firsts and how they were so delightful we went back for seconds and thirds.  Remember the songs you couldn't stop listening to and the childish dreams you allowed yourself about the future.  If it's any consolations, I allowed myself to have them too.

If it comes down to it, I don't want you to remember the ending.  Remember the beginning.  Remember the first time you knew.

I looked up at Alex to see him writing something else down in his notebook.  I flip the paper to the back and respond, Why do you think we aren't going to last?

He takes it and tosses it to the side after reading it.  What?  He can't just write something like that and not give me an explanation for it.  I cross my arms and look at him.  He kept glancing at me and then going back to writing.  I hadn't done work all period, neither had Alex.  He looked like he was on a faraway planet.  He was so close yet so far.