He Loves Me Not *Under Editing*

So so so close

We froze after the knock echoed through the cab.  For a second, I forgot where I was.  Hell, I forgot my name.  I was pressed against the passenger window with Alex sitting across from me.  We were frozen so that our lips were still connected.  "Just because you guys are playing dead doesn't mean I can't see you."

He giggled against my lips.  The boy actually giggled.  He released me while I was wanting more.  I looked down at my outfit and blushed.  My shirt was halfway up my body and his was unbuttoned.  Laurie was peering through the driver's window.  I flipped her off as I adjusted the fabric and Alex re-buttoned himself.  He pushed her back by opening the door and I got out my side.  "Alex, I know you are quitting the stage in two months, but sex in a school parking lot is a no-no without tinted windows."

"Quitting the stage?"

"Death sounds so official, so I am saying it in new ways."

Okay then.  "How did you know we were out here."

"Chyna popped her head into Anderson's class and said you two were having a serious conversation.  After twenty minutes, she sent me out to retrieve your sorry asses."  Twenty minutes?  We were out here for over twenty minutes?  "We are going to be punished huh?

"You betcha, she was only talking lunch detention, though."  Alex and I looked at each other.  She probably thought that we were out here having sex.  Shit.  My mom thought I was having sex with my boyfriend for over twenty minutes.

We walked into class with our heads down.  A few boys whistled at me.  They were shut up at the death glare emanating from Alex's eyeballs.  I took my seat.  We did get lunch detention, and boy was Anderson pissed.  She glared at Alex the whole time.  Math went by without anything bad, no murderous teacher and no boy that was going through my love's mind like a possible murder victim.  In Spanish, I went over to the french class so Laurie and I could finish our project.  We were almost done and the project wasn't for another week.  We started teaching each other words in the languages we were becoming fluent in.  I never knew that 'bonjour' meant 'good day' and not 'hello'.

After the lunch bell, I made my way back to mom's class.  Alex came in a few minutes late with lunch for both of us.  Mine consisted of a salad and bottled water, his was the hamburgers that we all knew came from a frozen box.  We were both in the middle of drinking our liquids when we choked.  "Did you at least use protection?"

I was coughing for five minutes before I was able to respond.  Alex was no help since he was practically on the floor laughing his head off.  "N-No, mom, we didn't have sex!"

"Twenty minutes is a long time."

"We-"  I was interrupted by Alex.

"We were talking about my impending death schedule ma'am."

"What?"

"I am dying in two months and we were talking about what to do about that."

"Oh.  Then you are both excused to leave."  Alex threw his trash away as I still sat.  He waited by the door.  "I have something that I need to finish.  I'll see you next period okay?"

He nodded and came to kiss me on the cheek before he left.  My biological mom rose her eyebrows but I refused to look at her.

'We have learned, not to hate, but to love, but we do it anyways. We have heard how to smile and not to frown, but we don't go the extra mile. We all know not to hide and how to cry, but we still lock it all inside. We explode but we build ourselves back up, minus help from everyone. We learn to expect nothing and accept everything, because it is rare that something comes our way. We've all ran from the fear, we've screamed in the mirror, until our voices are hoarse and we see there is nothing there. We forgave and forgot, but we remembered to look back at a cavern full of stars with walls all dipped in black. Now it is time to let it all fall, to find stronger materials, in which to build your wall. Now, it is time to face the fear, to let go, to explode, to get away from here, to smile, to take a chance and never look back. Now we'll unlock the doors, and throw away the keys, Now, we will look away from the floors and begin to break free.  Alex, my love, my life, my body and soul.  I love you as I always have.  Forever you will be mine.  You may have perished from this realm, but I hope that you are there somewhere, listening to this, and smiling.  I know that they say funerals are for the living, but I am saying this in hopes that the dead hear me.'  

It took me all of lunch to write all of that down.  I even cried a few times while writing it.  I wrote it partly for Alex's eulogy when he died, and partly because I needed to be alone for a few minutes.  He was a great boyfriend, but when he thought I was hurting, he didn't understand that I needed to be alone to work it out sometimes.  

As promised,  I met Alex during his next class.  The teacher was absent so the substitute let me teach the class.  As it was History, I forced them to do a small project on the history of William Shakespeare.  They had to write three sentences about him.  After that was done, I graded them for accuracy and length.  Most said three crappy sentences about plays he wrote that were only half accurate.  Then I got to Alex's, 'William Shakespeare, he is the best friend of many.  He wrote plays that people connect to, he wrote the cheesy tale of Romeo and Juliet.  In that play, the man dies before the woman.  They are both so young yet they love each other so much, I have to say that I am jealous of them.  They get everything I have ever wanted, (except the death part, I could really do without that.)  There is one more thing that I know, and maybe only one other person knows this:  He is the best friend of my girlfriend, he is closer to her than I will ever get.  And for that, I am jealous.'  I gave him a perfect score and extra credit points for it being over three sentences.  

I glanced up and saw he was staring at me.  I tried to mouth his grade to him, but he didn't understand.  As the TA, I was untouchable, and no one was allowed to speak to me.  He would have to wait until after school.

The next period went by in a blur.  The evil gym teacher used me as an example for tennis.  I was the most uncordinated person on the makeshift courts.  After my sorry excuse for an athlete was on the sidelines, I watched as Alex swiftly drifted across the back of his side.  The other team stood no chance, and the other people on his team didn't need to do anyting.  He was a show off, and very cocky ass, but he was my show off.