The Fault In Our Minds

Fault 11

For the first half we sat in the car eating. I don't expect these interviews to take too long. The most I'm going for is about ten or fifteen minutes. The other interviews are thirty five minutes apart. Ash makes the suggestion that one of us in each place would make it go smoothly. I thought the idea meant each of them interview someone but no one wanted to do it. I didn't mind but it would be interesting to change it up every now and then. I already told the five we're meeting in the mall to go to different parts of the food court.

Just walking around makes me tired. I'm emotional, mentally, and physically drained. I'd like to go take a long nap after this. I walk with person one(their name for now) I find an isolated store. It comes off closed but the door is still unlocked. Therefore it is open to me.
"I'm Ryan by the way. What's you name?"
"It's Chloe" she answers. I began setting up.
"Well Chloe it's nice to meet you. I just want you to know that I'm not going to give you the answers you need. You can only determine this."
"I know I know read you email. It's nice to talk to it about someone my age."
    I agree with a nod and pull up two chairs. Chloe has on eyeliner. It shaped as a wing and it reminds me of all fails with make up; especially eyeliner. I laugh at it silently.
"Ready to began? And I make sure to blur you faces and if you want I can change your voice."
She tells me, "Just leave it be. I don't mind anyone knowing it's me."
    Why does everyone want their face to be shown? This is something I wouldn't want my face to appear on. It's a probably called courage. Something I absolutely don't have and never will. I turn on the camera.
"What is your fault?"
     Silence of course. Exhaling. Her eyes water and I offer her a tissue. This might be especially emotional for her. She rolls up her sweater sleeves. I'm wrong this is going to be emotional for me. I break another important rule by touching her scars. They're deep far too deep. She was aiming to die. I couldn't never aim that far. I let out a sigh and rub my face.
She unexpectedly says, "My fault is I crave any type of attention. Whether it's negative or positive. I would do anything for the small amount of attention."
"Like what?"
"There's scars. Just so people can look at me or feel bad for me."
"What else do you do to get the attention?" She surprises me. This is a fault I have not many questions for. I'm struggling to find a question that won't repeat the last one.
"Sometimes I'll do something incredibly stupid knowing the consequences."
"I know doing this is hurting someone but is it hurting you more. You know when you break someone's heart you break your own."
Wise words from Ash.
"Of course. I can never stop. I don't like getting attention this way but I can't stop. No one would notice me if I don't do something. What should I do?"
"I can't give you advice. You just have to do this from your rights and wrong." She looked down and I figured it's time to end. "Is there anything else you'd like to add?"
"No that's it" she answers
    I bowed and stopped recording. I do another unpredictable move and give her my number and house address. During the other viewings I took it serious but my mind was scrambling about what I had done. Ash was trying to get us to tag along with her at a party she got invited to.
"It'll be fun" she coats over again.
"We aren't here to have fun," Stacey says but I can tell she wanted to go.
"No we should go," I add and that seals it. Josh is convinced I'm someone different and I maybe I just am.

Josh doesn't buy my excuse. I have no excuse. It's probably what I need to get my mind off things. If anything could get my mind off things. Ash was so excited she was already socializing with someone. It was a cliche party with red cups, lack of food, and loud music. Neither of that was a problem. Maybe the lack of food was a problem. Or maybe the fact ten minutes in I didn't want to be there. I sneak out the and sit on the edge of the pool. I take my shoes off and my feet dive in the water. It's freezing at first but becomes warm. I lay back and wiggle my toes in the water. "Parties are overrated" I say to the trees, sky and every creature around me.
"I agree," a voice says but it's only Josh. His voice sounded like it was disguised as someone else.
"I thought you liked parties."
"Not my cup of tea. But why aren't you having fun?"
I answer, "I don't like alcohol. And this music sucks."
"That's because this isn't your crowd."
He sits near the pool with his legs folded. His signature sitting stance.
"Josh if you don't mind I'd like you to contribute tomorrow. I'm not in the right place of mind to do so."
He inquired, "Did something happen?" he presses his lips together, "You seem upset."
    I don't reply. I only splash some water with my feet as if I'm a duck. To be completely honest with myself I think I want this to end. I know I can't end it. I'm already so far and not even close enough to ending it. I'm tired. I want to sleep but that won't happen here.
"I want to sleep" I hinted.
"I'll meet you in the car."

Simply the best part about Josh. He's smart so I don't have to explain everything in detail. He just knows I know. It works out quite well. I'm absolutely terrible at explaining things with speech.
    I lean against the car. He must be telling Ash and Stacey he'll pick them up when they're ready to go to the motel. The neighbor is pretty quiet despite the music. Even that was at a reasonable level. Josh walks out of the gate with some girl walking behind him,stops at the gate and spins around.
"Want chicken tenders?" Josh offers. I put my index finger in my cheek and look around. I'm not sure if I do want any. Josh grabs my shoulders and shakes me. "Who are you?"
"I just want to take a cat nap. We can have some tomorrow."
    Josh is not easily convinced. I debate on keeping my distance in the motel room. I try laying in the opposite bed however Josh is not ashamed of intensely looking at someone. I only hide behind my pillow.
"Would you stop acting so weird? It's like you don't know me."
"You're making me uncomfortable" I say. "And I don't know enough on you. Like your favorite color."
"Well guess it."
     I was waste a good amount of time guessing his favorite color when I could have been napping. It could have been worse but he had a cute smile. I turn the lights off to concentrate more but that only makes me want to sleep more. I continue guessing his favorite color. Josh's silence is a no.
"I got it this time. Your favorite color is yellow,"I scream and Josh burst into laughing fits. I sit on our bed. "Am I right?"
"Yes that was some interesting guessing."
"How come you asked about my sexuality?" I don't mean to ask but no taking it back now.
"I was just curious," he answers.