The Fault In Our Minds

Fault 33

Author's note: Writing this makes my face hurt from smiling but enjoy.

The rest of the week goes by quicker. Probably because Josh spent the rest of it trying to reconnect with his dad. I'm counting the days as they decrease. I don't worry about that much. I try spending most of my time with mom and the runts. Of course with Josh (when the opportunity comes) and the others. It never feels like enough time. I doubt it ever will.
My biological mom takes me shopping on Sunday. I was against going but mom said it's only fair if you get to know her before you deny her out of your life. She had a good point.
"So how's school been? Any plans for Christmas?"
I sip my diet coke. I hate diet but she suggested I try something new. I was disappointed but the taste wasn't so bad after a few sips.
"Schools okay. And I don't have much planned for Christmas. I still have to buy gifts; one of the things I absolutely suck at."
I regret coming. She's not sure what to discuss and I don't take any interest in anything she has to say. I don't want it to be like this but conversations with mom general don't go well of course this would go twice as worse.
"If you have nothing planned for winter break do you mind coming up to Stamford to visit the rest of your family? It doesn't have to be the whole-"
I reply instantly,"Sure just don't drop anything on me like I'm Hiroshima."
Her smile shows how grateful she is for me to say yes. Her smile is wide, stretching from cheek to cheek. I hope I don't regret this idea.
"Why are you in New York?" I finally ask after sometime.
"Your grandmother lives up here. She's sick. I just check on her every now and then."
She's still smiling. Her smile doesn't deceive the reflection of sadness on her face. We enter a little shop and look at some snow globes and other Christmas stuff. I wonder what Josh would like for Christmas. I I don't even know what he likes. Great work Ryan.
I return home warn out from walking. I had two conclusions out of today. If I ever lived with her I'd get spoiled. And secondly they had money to spend without a care. I was already pass the phase of wanting material items. I drop onto the couch. Mom is chowing down on some yogurt. I notice the empty cups on the table.
"Whoa, she bought you all those clothes" she says in awe.
"And the books. I am exhausted. I hate shopping."
"I can get you those stuff too."
Is she jealous over that?
"Mom please I don't want you to buy me material items to get me to stay. You know I love it here."
She kisses my cheek. I grab my bags and strut to my room. My room light is already on so one of the runts must be inside. I don't have time for them today I just want to sleep. I kick the door lightly open.
"I'm only going to say this one now get out" I clarify to them. I turn my back and put the bags down
"Oh come on I haven't seen you in ages."
I tackle Josh. His arms are holding me against him like letting go was impossible. For a few moments its just us hugging each other laying in silence. A silence we share now is never awkward.
"How long was you waiting?" I question.
"For hours only to learn you went shopping. Tell me everything."
I don't immediately go into details. I ask about important stuff. Like what he wanted for Christmas. I get no where with that. He doesn't agree on visiting them for Christmas. I put some of my clothes away.
"Josh can we talk about more important things at hand? Like us."
His eyes wonder onto mine. "I know what you're trying to say. So- do you want to go on a date?"
I march over to him and cup his face. I seal our lips together. That date can wait. Now I can kiss him as much as I want. I can feel synapse in my brain shorten out. I think we've kissed penalty of times yet I'm unable to crush that overwhelming desire to be get all coy. I squeeze my eyes shut (as if I can close them even more) and throw my arm around him. Josh lifts me onto my lap.
I feel light as a feather. Josh keeps his hands away from waist or up my thigh. I guess how uncomfortable I was, was noticeable to Josh. I give in to the urge and duck my head into his neck. The cons of being home schooled: not having any clue on how to kiss someone.
"I'm sorry," I bawled out. "I don't know anything on kissing."
"That's okay. I seen everything in the hospital room."
I keep my head in his neck. That makes it all the more embarrassing. It could have been said in a different way. Josh makes pull away to kiss my cheek. For what felt like moments where only seconds of Josh leaving delightful kisses around my face; before he dipped his and they became fiercely on mine. His hands released my back and moved to my waist. I find enough courage to pull his body closer to mine but immediately my hands go back to not being sure what to do. He suddenly laughs and pulls me away.
"And that's how you kiss someone. At least that's my way of it." I hide behind my hands. Josh pulls them apart. "I want to see that face each time I think of a bad thought about myself "
I try to escape watching the serious face he worn so well. There's approximately fiver lays of cloth between us and I feel like I've been stripped of everyone.
I mumble out words that appear to sound like English. "Josh, I'd really would like some plants if you don't mind taking me."
"I don't evem mind taking you to hell" he says back.