The Fault In Our Minds

Fault 23

Josh turns on the video camera.
"What is your fault?" Honestly asking this over and over was becoming a job to me.
He answers,"I'm dying. I have cancer."
     Jesus this was a splendid way to drop a nuclear bomb on us. I feel sympathy. I wouldn't have given him such a hard time this morning. Or be late to his class. I actually like his class I just can't wake up early.
Mr. Issac spoke again, "That's not a fault I know. My fault is I'm scared to die. I think I wasted all my life away."
Fearing death is a normal thing. I wish I feared it. "How do you think you wasted your life?"
He chuckles, "I teach high school students who probably won't give a shit to do good enough. I didn't want to be a teacher. I wanted to make a difference in someone's life. Not spend my time grading papers."
    I had advice for him. Advice I couldn't give because this was not apart of the job. I had so much to say but couldn't say any of it. I have to convince him to think otherwise without it being advice. I have to. I have to.
"Don't you have children? I'm sure you a wife at least?"
His eyes roll around. "We're divorced. I have money for the treatment I just don't think it'll work. Death is one scary bastard. I have so much regret."
"Like what?" I question while taping my pen against my cheek as it becomes hollow.
"Not doing what I wanted to do. I only decided to be a teacher because I didn't know what else to do. I took so many things for granted. I lived like I was an old man when I was young; now I don't have enough time."
      Being human has its worst perks. The interview lasted a while. Ranging from how he didn't do anything he wanted with his life and he how he over worked himself. A teacher I can some what relate to. At the end we both bow. I feel terrible. Terrible because he wasted his life now he'll die with regret. That last thing I ever want to die with.
     Ash and Stacey went separate ways from Josh and I. It's past four and the sun is already meeting the horizon. Eventually that same darkness will wash over us. It was bubble jacket season. The car was freezing me to death. Josh seemed unbothered.
"Hey" I said with my teeth clattering together. "I moved so I live closer near the school." I wrap myself in my sweater more and dug in my bag for the address mom gave me this morning. I slide it over him. I hate the winter. Josh put his head down.
"What's with that reaction? It's near the school right?"
"That's not the problem. I didn't know you was moving in with Deren. He's my neighbor."
     I put my head against the window. Honestly this is going to be embarrassing. Josh might hear all the arguments I some how scramble myself in. This is the worst. Absolutely the worst. Things like this shouldn't even happen. It's not even a cliché thing.
"Look Ryan, me and dad argue one hundred percent of the time. It's the only-"
I put my index fingers to his lips. "Save it. I'm like that with my mom. I understand."

I walked awkwardly away from Josh. Awkwardly because the situation was awkward. Our houses are next to each other. I don't see much of the house being how dark it is. I groan at the movement of my feet. I thought I'd handle this well but I'm doing such a terrible job.
    I peek my head inside. The walls are white so no more tan. That is a blessing. After entering the front door is the office and then the stairs leading upstairs. The living room is leads to the staircase. The dining room is attached to the living room. I assume the kitchen is in the back. Pandora is at my feet. I forget how short children are.
"How's your arm?"
"It's fine. Want to show me where my room is?"
    She pulled my arm towards the steps. My room is down the hall. There was a lot of boxes. Makes me wonder of if I'm hoarder of some type. Once I begin unpacking all the stuff here is a necessity. I search for my heart shaped box. Of course it's here it has to be here. My reassurance does not make me feel better.
"Looking for something?" I turn around and face Deren. He's holding it. "I normally don't snoop through teenager girl's stuff but it just happen to scatter all over the floor."
I try and snatched it away. "Give that back."
"You really need to get it together. All your mom does is-"
"Shut up. She's the reason I'm like this. Stop talking to me like you understand because you definitely don't."
    I shut the door and lock it. I already know who the bastard was that told him. Enrage I unpack without a care if anything broke. People need to mind their business. I try to find some peace before I break a valuable. The knocking on the door interrupts. I already know who it is.