The Fault In Our Minds

Fault 38

I promise.
But I know who I belong with.
I know where I belong.
When I wake up I brush my teeth and wash my face. I put on my boots, my laptop case around my shoulder, stuff the video camera inside and zip up my coat. I have a different song for the day but I change back to the old one quickly. It's snowing out. I put my hood on in the living room.
"Where are you going?" Marlyn whines.
"I have work to do."
I'm out the door and running. I run to a library near the house. It was pretty far if you ask me. I do four faults there and head over to the inside skate park and do five faults there. After they leave I stick around for a bit.
I know where I belong.
"Grace!" The dictating tone belongs to Jack. "Don't just walk out the door like it's nothing. This isn't your family back in New York. You can't just-"
"You don't know a god damn thing about my family in New York" I hiss.
"I don't know anything but I do know you must have not been happy if you have those scars on your thigh."
"And you aren't making me happy" I retorted. His friends look over at us and he pulls me to the exit. They call after him but he keeps walking. I get in the car.
"Can you not embarrass me in front of my friends?"
"How about you leave me alone?"
My stomach rumbles.
"Let's get you some McDonald's" he offers and I don't decline.

Jack watches me munch on chicken tenders. Of course watching me eat was rude but I had already gone through ten chicken tenders with no intention to stop.
"If you tell me about those scars I'll get you more chicken tenders."
I comply.
"I'm just not satisfied with life. After what happened I'm just disappointed, sad, lonely, hateful and just suffering."
"You could have gotten help. You can still get help."
I hate that word.
"That's not the point Jack. I didn't want help I just wanted to die. And I don't need help now either."
"Jack!" his friends call and approach us. They sit, he stands and walks to the register. They try to imply me to the conversation but divide my way out. Jack conversates with them.
Bluntly he says, "I need all of you to go. We're talking about something personal."
I am happy they leave.
"Our family wasn't like this. Our grandma on dad's side comes over after we lost you. Talking about how he needed to take action and make sure this never happens again. First we hire a maid to help mom be more responsibile. Then after she quits they make Marlyn years later you're probably twelve by that time. Now I'm forced to be something I'm not, marry someone I don't love, Marlyn has to get home schooled, shaped into the 'sexy wife' a husband needs and it's all because of our grandma. You are lucky you got away."
I don't understand. He's an adult. He could walk away from them. He has the power to walk away from them. There's not even a reason why he shouldn't. But there is. Marlyn. Someone has to tell her about what comes in the future. Shape her into someone she wants to be for herself.
"I only just met you and I wish I could be as fearless and as reckless as you are."
Thanks Jack. I don't say it out loud.

I return home on New Years. I'd be lying if I say I did enjoy my stay to the fullest. I couldn't find away to enjoy it to the fullest but I did enjoy it. Seeing pictures of me as a baby and of my other siblings. It made me feel like a fucking star but nothing makes me feel like a red giant. Nothing unless it's my family at home. And I think Rebecca and Daniel notice that by the greet I get once I step out the car. Too bad I don't enjoy the greet because I know two stars are tearing each other apart because of a black hole named Grace.