The Fault In Our Minds

Fault 26

Once again Ash and Stacey pull me to the cafeteria. I had plans to have lunch with Mr. Issac; if only things went as planned. When we got to the cafeteria the two girls at our table happened to be twinning and two of the deans we're talking to them. Probably getting on their case about their shoulders. Once the deans are gone we stroll over there.
"Megan!" Stacey yells. "Why are you putting on your boyfriend's hoodies? It's seventy degrees out today."
El Nino otherwise known as global warming.
"We was exposed too much shoulder" she answers with finger quotes.
Ash gives me orders."Hey Ryan watch the fort while we get lunch."
     I don't eat lunch so I guard the table. No one really bothers coming around. I'm sure everyone who has sixth period lunch knows it's our table. I put my head down and ponder on some words; words that lead to jealousy.
"Over our shoulders" I hear Megan squeal and lift my head up when they sit up.
"You know you could do so many better things rather than complain," I say it like a cocky piece of crap.
    Megan raises her eyebrow in annoyance. We dislike each other. Not dislike each other. We hate each other. The story with Megan is we was both home schooled by the same person and she bailed on me to go to public school. We was pretty good playmates. We could have been best friends. But now she twins with Anastacia.
"Says the girl who's wearing a knitted sweater with shooting stars and diamonds on it. It looks like a nine  year old made it. Doesn't suit someone is who's emo."
    I sit up. My decisions are pondered on. I debate if she deserves the broken nose or me not getting annoyed at all. The little devil ony shoulders tells me to snap her neck. Her reasons being is Mabel knitted it for me and no one should be able to trash talk such a cute sweater. So yeah my decisions aren't rash so much. Honestly I had it out for her since I saw her. I only got in one punch; it's best to stop before it gets out of hand.
    I sit back down. Looks like not one dean caught it. Or anyone. The table was silent. I guess everyone knew she had it coming. I pick up my stuff and leave. Her nose being harmed or not is not important. Lunch is almost over and I need to bullshit time until six thirty.

I spin in the stoll at Subway. It makes me dizzle but I don't want to stop. It's sixty fifty and we definitely won't be catching the seven o'clock boat at this rate. I keep spinning and chew on a straw. It makes me less dizzy and more hungry. I go back and forth between the water fountain to maintain my hunger. I rest my chin my hands and look off at the ceiling.
"Didn't think you'd actually wait for me. Hurry up and order yourself a sandwich."
   I spin out my seat. I'm surprised he showed. I order quickly while he decides what he wants on his sandwich. After he stuffs the money in his pocket I grab his hand run to the almost empty terminal and catch the boat. We sit on the balcony outside.
"What's with that sad face? You look disappointed."
"Nope. I just didn't think this through you know?"
"I live near the ferry. I mean it's a couple blocks down but still near it."
     I was tempted to ask if I could come by but that would be pushing boundaries. I do want to get to know him before he passes(if he does). I want to show him the views he got and all the comments. Maybe he can turn his life around even if it's for a short notice.
"Why are you doing this project?"
"Well" I began and take a bit out my sandwich. I cover my mouth before I chew. "After that little incident with me I wanted to know everyone else's fault. Just something I wanted to do before I killed myself."
He took half of his sandwich out. "I'd have to report this but I'm not a teacher at the moment. Do you still feel like that?"
     I wish he'd act like a teacher about it. But I don't want another repeat of November. I say it like it was a while ago. It's only December; it's only been a month. I look at the water.
"Yeah sometimes" I answer, "I don't think I deserve to be happy."
He responds, "Same. Of course I can't feel that way with triplets but it would probably be better if I was dead."
     I cover my eyes and let my tasteless sandwich fall to my feet. I kick it to the open for the birds. Get your shit together Ryan. Get it together right now. Fuck it.
"Hey Ryan I didn't- I don't- I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"I clearly triggered you. I didn't mean to. Who knew you was so sensitive" he jokes and elbows me. I keep my eyes covered. "It's okay Ryan I'm not going to tell anyone about this." I feel his arm wrap around me and pull me close.