The Fault In Our Minds

Fault 17

For a first I had spent time with the runts. And learned their names. They didn't know mine so we're all criminals on this one. The one of Asian decent is nicknamed Jordan. She said she's embarrassed of her real name. I wish I knew my real name. The Greek one is named Pandora. I found it cute. Both of them was cute.
I miss school to take them to the mall. With them tagged along it seems like I'm a mom. Not my intention but truancy sure wouldn't question it. I wanted to go into Spencer's but that's not a children place. I turn into Hot Topic. I've saved up enough money for band merch and for the two glued to me. I leave the mall with only forty dollars. I am satisfied. It felt wonderful to be a big sister.

Tuesday was horrid. It was snowing. Still only November but snowing. I wanted to miss school but distinct parts of me wanted to sit next to Josh during that one period. I also has to work since I missed Monday. Dragging myself to work in snow was a sin.
Too bad Josh wasn't here. Along with the fact Mr. Issac moved me to the front of the class. I look up at the ceiling waiting for lightning or thunder. Neither come.
Ash strings me along to cafeteria. I try to ask about Josh but she plain out says he transferred out. I don't respond negatively. It might had already seemed like we liked each other I just didn't want to make it obvious. It was probably obvious by now.

Dipper and Mabel come by. They're wearing bubble jackets covered in snow. Mabel is wearing her colorful sweaters.
"What are you munchkins buying today?"
"Nothing we got you an early Christmas present" they answer. I love who they speak in sync. I hope for them to never be separated.
"That's not even necessary."
"We're going on vacation soon. Mom said we should give it to you early," Mabel adds.
"Get back to work Ryan" I hear my boss says. I invite them to the back room for a game of uno. It ended with Dipper winning.
"So what's this present?"
They look at each other and pull bags out of each others bags. Looks like I'll have to get them something special.
"Open mine first" Dipper pleds.

Kids are cute. Dipper gives me a children book on why I should love myself. Explaining depression to children is easy; especially if they give you cute little books. He gives me a pack of chocolate almonds. Simply gifts that I love.
Mabel's bag is a little bigger. It's filled with a knitted sweater and stuffed animals. Who needs Build a Bear Workshop when you have Mabel. I say thank you as their visit comes to a short end. To not spend time with old friends but still come visit them is what I call a good relationship.

I don't finish work any other way. I finish by purposely not doing anything. I wouldn't let her call worthless forever now. I was worthless but only if could say that about myself.
During closing time I don't try to clean up. I do clean up the backroom being the one who made a mess of it. I organize the uno cards. Hands cover my eyes. I would normally panic but the hands felt familiar.
"Nice to see you Josh. If I could see." He snickers and releases my eyes. "Where was you?" I ask and stuff the cards in the box.
"Eh I didn't want to go to school. Do anything fun in U.S History?"
I roll my eyes. "I got moved to front," disappointment stings my tongue like pineapples.
"Issac must not like you" he adds. I shrug. Josh knocks the box out my hand and most cards splatter out on the table.
"You're a weird guy."
"I'm not sure how to act around you. You make it hard to be myself; which is not the manipulating piece of trash I am."
I throw the cards in the a draw and tap his cheek. He follows after me, pulling the curtain clothes. I grab my bag and carry it out. I couldn't find my phone. It would be embarrassing if anyone looked through my gallery.
"You can manipulate anyone if it's involves me getting chicken tenders afterwards." I groan and scratch my head frantically. "I'm starving. Let's get Subway and go on a ferry ride."
He puts his hands up in defense. I don't take no as an answer and drag him down some steps to the terminal. Sandwiches were more expensive and Josh had to pay in the end. That didn't matter much because I only told Josh my order and handed him money for my food and his. I need to over come my social anxiety; it must becoming a burden to him.
I pull him for a run to catch the ferry. I drag him outside and we sit to eat our sandwiches. Josh keeps mumbling about going home and I think I'm just making him nervous. Funny how that works when my arteries feel clogged when I'm with him.
"You don't have to be so nervous I won't eat you." He's a cinnamon roll and a sinnamon roll. Two of the best kinds.
"It's bad I think like this but I feel more comfortable when you're down in the dumps. Not that I want you to be like. You just seem more easier to relate to."
I put his arm around me. I can feel him tense up. I could agree. It's rare for me to be happy. Not even happy but somewhat uplifting with joy I suppose. Still questioning the point of these feelings.
"Sorry I make you so uncomfortable."
He declared, "You do it all the time if you haven't noticed my behavior."
I chow down on my sandwich. Josh has already finished his. I wish I had gotten chicken tenders. I hand him the remainder of my sandwich. Looks like food can be a disappointment too.
"Tell me a good quote?" Josh asks.
I look at that stars as I think.
"I have loved to the point of madness; that which is called madness, that which to me, is the only sensible way to love. Francois Sagon."
Josh vocalized one as he covers his mouth politely. "We all live in a house on fire, no fire department to call; no way out, just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns the house down with us trapped, locked in it. Tennessee Williams."
I nudge him. Didn't expect him to know that one. We tell each other quotes to pass the time. I feel as if I've been prepared for this for a while now. Cliche but not something you'd see in crappy quotes you could find online with aesthetic pictures.
"The torture of a bad conscience is the hell of a living soul. John Calvin," I say as the ferry begins to dock. Josh is certain he'll win this.
"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars. Khalil Gibran."
I hop up and drag him with me. Hands down he does win. This was a regent he'd easily pass. Explains why be was in such advance classes. He was a genuis. I pull him a few blocks from the ferry. We find a nice area with beach chairs. Not exactly beach chairs but they looked like them despite the fact they was huge and wooden. Also uncomfortable to lay on.
"Is this a date?"
"Consider it to be whatever you want it to be," I answer.
"I'll consider it to be a date then."

It wasn't cold out. Windy since we was near the water but not bad. Not much speaking was exchanged. Somethings thrive better off of silence rather noise.
I have the urge to hug him but I keep my hands to myself. Josh says something but breaks into a coughing fit and doesn't say anything at all.