The Fault In Our Minds

Fault 39

Where the hell do I even belong?
Is it here or in a casket?
The plan to ruin Lucas and the football team goes into action. I start by pretending to get into an argument with the girls at my table, making Lucas follow me out trying to make me feel better. At that point on I sit with him at lunch. That was the problem. I sit with him like I really wanted to be friends with him. I sit with him, I walk with him, and talk with him because I don't want to talk to anyone else. It makes my coworkers in crime angry.
"Why aren't you even bothering to have a conversation with us?" Josh asks. The rest of them are in my room as well.
"Because I don't want to. Go away."
"You like him?" Ash accuses.
"Heavens no. I have a lot on my plate. I just need to be alone. You know lower the count of people I'm with."
I hear some whispers and the room door close. I can't tell that only one person didn't leave. "Ryan" he calls.
"Yes."
"You gotta speak to me. I got you something for Christmas."
"Take it back I didn't get you anything."
"It's ice skate-"
"Josh just go away. Give me some type of space."
It was so quiet I thought he left. Only thought. He rolls me onto my back and his body presses me into the bed. I tense up almost immediately.
"Don't you dare shut me out after everything that happened in this short amount of time."
"Get off me or I'll scream."
My warning slips past him. Josh slams his lips against mine. I'm just trying to get from under him but my arms are locked around his neck. I'm not going any where. His hands slip into my hair. I feel dizzy and disoriented. Confirmed I can get drunk off a kiss.
"Are you still going to scream?"
I nod no.
"Whats going on with you Ryan?"
"Nothing" I answer.
"Yeah and that's exactly what I said."
"We're different people in different situations" I comment.
"That doesn't mean I can't relate."
"Doesn't mean I want you to relate."
"You can lay here and build up some walls like you're China; I think I already torn down everything you had up so you can drop the act."
I cover my eyes and roll over to my side. You can't just be so vulnerable because he tells you he won't let you. Gotta be reckless about it and keep building walls.
His hand rest on my arm. "Ryan it only took me a month to finally realize I wanted you in my life. And it took me far too long to even make a move on you. I'm not letting you act like this."
"Why can't you leave me alone?" I cry out.
"Because now everytime I think back to the last time I left someone crying alone I feel guilty. You make me feel guilty."
I let him pull me up into his chest. My ears feel like lava. My head is against his chest but a little times afterwards I move my head up to kiss him. His hands rest on my hips. I'm embarrassed but I can remember it's okay to be embarrassed around him.
"Can we let them back in if you don't want to resolve this with me?"
I pull him near me for get to get intoxicated off him.

"Next time you two just want to make out intensely just tell us to go home" Megan says, scolding us for behavior.
I review the plans with them and to make sure I don't have a crush on him. After they leave I huddle near Josh. He whispers why I'm just a black hole. He thinks they're impossible not to think about and when he thinks of them he thinks of me.