The Fault In Our Minds

Fault 19

Author's note: Sorry for the short chapter. I didn't intend for it to be so short but I was in a rush and thought I'd save my idea for this chapter.

I didn't care until both of them came in screaming some opening to whatever cartoon show. I sat through it for three minutes before going downstairs.
"You're never to young to learn how to cook" I tell them as they trail behind me.
I peak out the window. Today wouldn't be a bad day to have a snow ball fight. The snow stopped falling and left a thick sheet an intense fight. I put the oil on after I finish making the batter. I look at the news for a bit. No more snow for the rest of the day or week.
The sounds of something falling came from out of the kitchen. If this is what having kids is like I don't see them in my future. Again making future references as if I'm going to live that long. Jordan and Pandora are sitting awkwardly at the table.
"If you want to play go play outside or in the living room."
Of course they don't listen and start running and shoving each other aroud. I notice the pan on the edge of stove beginning to shake. I try to catch it; I succeed at the price of being burned by the pan and the oil that lands on my wrist along with the upper part of my arm. I slide it back on the stove and hiss at the pain running up and down.
"Ryan were sorry" they say with apologetic voices. "Please don't tell mom."
I run water on my arm. I didn't help much but it reminds me why I self harmed so much. I'd get hurt some how in the long run.
"That would be easier if it didn't leave a scar" I tell me and shut the water off. "It's okay it's not your fault anyway."
Pandora states, "It is our fault. If we didn't ask you to cook for us you wouldn't have gotten burned."
I turn away from apologetic eyes. It's my fault anyway. The pain didn't dimmer away. It grew stronger as the seconds passed. If pain was a storm I'm just a piece of land.
"I'm going to lay down."
"I think we should take you to the hospital" Pandora cries. I keep walking to the living room.

Why can't the runts just stop being runts? I was getting used to calling them by their names until they decided calling the ambulance was the proper thing to do.
Yes my arm still hurt but that didn't mean I wanted help. Some people have a life of pain coming for them.
I wasn't paying attention to a word they was saying. I know it wasn't anything serious. My wrist was kinda of swollen. It was expected of course. Now I wait for mom to pick me up. The florescent lights make my eyes sting.
"Well well, I think this is just fate we're meeting here again." The voice came from outside my room. I only heard it a few times but I can never forget it. She stepped in and I wonder how she got in. Or if she's a real doctor.
"Must really think I'm your daughter," I say with exhaustion.
"I don't think. I know you're my daughter. You have a scar on your inner right leg from when you fell down the front steps."
My body goes numb and still. Like the burning was spreading to the rest of my body. She was right. I had a scar there. It was unexplained how it go there. Just because she was right doesn't mean she's my biological mother. I'd deny it through and through.
"You aren't mom just because you got that right. And if you are why am I with someone else?"
"It's a long story. I can understand why you wouldn't-"
I interrupt, "Don't play that long story crap. I won't stand for it. I know you aren't my mom. Now get out and leave me alone."
Her eyes dart to the cup next to me. She rushes over and snatches it up. Great now she gets a full DNA test. I don't bother stopping her. I hope it comes out utterly wrong and she can feel stupid. If she was I wonder how it came to be that we separated. How we separated? Was she a drug addict or a drunk? I wonder far too much.

Mom picks me up after she disappears. She's with the runts and Deren. Yay a little family. My wrist was wrapped up and I was given some type of cream to stop it from stinging.
I speak before she does. "Mom please I'm not up for a lecture. I just want to go home and sleep." No incoming lecture or anything else.

When I awake from my nap, I unwillingly reach for my phone with the hand that got burned. Moving stung like a bitch. I'm supposed to clean it every hour or two but that wouldn't be happening. It's midnight and I want to walk. I tip toe down the steps and out of the house. I see a figure. I think I'm too scared to turn it on. But being scared is not a thing I can afford right now.
"Why are you sneaking out of your house at midnight?"
I frown at the voice. "Why are you sitting outside of my house?"
He answers, "I'm not sure. I was in the neighborhood."
"You seem upset. Let's take a walk." As we walk Josh talks about my arm. I didn't want to explain it to him.
"It's just a burn. It's pretty bad," I admit to him.
"Pancakes are your worst enemy. Is there a scar? And is there others I need to know about?"
"There's a scar but it'll heal fine. I think so. How are you?"
I wanted to ask how are we? Because we wasn't what we normally are? I don't know what we are; I'd like to find out.
"I'm doing okay" he would answer.
"Then how are we?"
"Terrible" he response. "I don't think we can be friends. You're a lot to handle and I can't handle it. I'm sorry Ryan."

That's how the conversation went in my head. Hopefully it didn't come to that. I couldn't let it come to that. Couldn't and wouldn't.
"I'm terrible."
It's not my head saying that. "Why?" I ask.
"You know there's people who clean out the houses after someone dies?"
"Yeah my mom does that when she's up to going to work. Did someone die?"
If that was the case he must be feeling terrible. It's an understandable emotion. I couldn't relate. If anyone I knew had died I wouldn't have cried much. Seems like I forget people easily. It makes to how I forgot my own childhood and my parents. Being young wasn't an excuse. I'm still young and I was young then. I think I don't want to remember it.
"Yeah someone did die. It was my mom. Don't say sorry for your lose either. I hate when people say that."
What am I supposed to say? What do I do, what do I do? I need advice. There should be a magical fairy for advice. I turn around and look at the midnight blue street.
"Did I upset?" he asks. He shouldn't be asking me that.
"No I just don't know what to say? I want to say-"
"Hugs speak better than words" Josh interrupts. He's right.

We settle for that hug. I stood on my toes. I'm not short but I'm not tall. Maybe it was the sneakers. I normally wear boots all year around. Here I am in sneakers struggling to reach Josh's height. Josh lifts me up bridal style.
"You shouldn't be wondering around at this time."
"Neither should you" I repeat back. I wish I could get carried away from all my current problems. Better to run away why the chance is still given.

I invite Josh in, reminding myself he's not a pervert and he could be trusted. I didn't want him to go or walk home alone. Mostly because I didn't want him to go. It five minutes going onto one. I think I'd find an excuse for missing school tomorrow.
I cleaned my burn before putting on the cream. It's hot at first then cools. It smells like mints; twice as better. Makes my whole body tingle. I lay restlessly with Josh with my eyes closed. I'm uncomfortable with sharing a bed. Well just my bed. It was more small. Just meant for one person. Not titanic wise (because there was room for the both of them) just small to hold only one body. Josh is motionless, it convinces me he's asleep.
"I'm sorry for your lose."