Love In Waiting

::Observations::

*Ray's P.O.V*

-

     The nurses greeted me with my two sons a couple hours after Nadia's heart stopped. I watched them move around in their little cradles... One named Nieko and the other Jaivon. She always liked those names. Not one of them cried, but I did. Tears streamed down my face as I watched Nieko; he looked just like her... The eyes, curls in his hair, how he always smiled. Right after Nadia's heart stopped, they told me to wait in the other room. That was until they delivered the news that she was dead.

-

      I looked down at my watch, midnight. One of the nurses started walking up to me. Caucasian, blonde hair, scrawny body, green eyes. When I studied her for a while, I noticed her child like body. Small boobs, tiny a$$, but hey, I guess some guys dig that. "Sir, it's getting late," she said, tapping her foot. The lady was wearing scrubs and had her hair in a messy bun. A few strands fell out of place when she started scratching her bun. "Oh..." was all I could get out. If I said anymore, I would've choked on my words.

-

      When I took a glance down, I couldn't help but notice the tiny puddle of tears I made on the floor. I put my foot over it, hoping she wouldn't see it. "Do you want to stay the night?" I gulped, a little too hard. "Y-y-yes please," I replied, hesitating. The woman nodded and turned around, walking toward another person. "You can go into your room," she said across the room. I took one more glance at Nieko and Jaivon and left the nursery, towards room 119.

-

     As I walked into the room, a cold breeze pushed harshly against my body... even though the window wasn't open. I didn't look up, I didn't want to look up. My eyes were glued to the floor, because I could feel the guilt start to pile onto my shoulders. I slowly sat down in the chair, still not looking. The room felt uncomfortable to be in, but I managed to deal with it, instead of leaving. I mean, I couldn't leave; not at a time like this anyway...

-

      I heard footsteps coming towards our room and a pillow and a blanket was plopped into the chair right beside me. They walked out before I could say thank you, so I didn't bother. After all, why should I? They obviously didn't try their best. I mean, look at her!

-

     And when I did, I wanted to shoot myself. Immediately, I noticed the blood that covered her mouth and neck. The cuts on her arms, the bruises on her... everywhere. Now my heart stopped... well it felt like it. I bursted into even more tears; I did this. I started crying way more than what I wanted to. Yeah, I was a little embarrassed for crying so much... but look at what I did? I'm a monster...

-

      "Sir do you mind cleaning her off," a nurse asked, peaking her head into the doorway. I slowly nodded, not wanting to look at her. My eyes wouldn't look away from the mess I've made. It's like I was being caught for murder. I should be arrested, executed; for letting this happen to a woman, my crush, my girlfriend, my wife, my partner. After all, if it wasn't for me, we would've been smiling, giggling, cuddling, maybe watching a movie while laying with each other on the couch... but we're not.

-

      I grabbed the bucket that the nurse set down in the doorway and walked over to Nadia, the wife I should've taken care of... but I didn't. Steadily, I took off her hospital gown and picked up the bunched up rag, dipped it into the water, and stroked it up and down her body. She was covered in blood, scars, cuts, you name it. Huge scars were overlapped on her stomach, the ones from earlier today... Bruises covered her legs, some almost purple.... and hands prints from where she got smacked.

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        As I looked up at her face, one of my tears fell onto her chest. I watched it roll down her body, eventually dripping onto the ground. When I studied her skin, I noticed that it was a deathly pale color, making her bruises look even darker than what they should be. I slid my hands under her cheek and gently wiped the blood off of her face. Slowly, I stroked her lips. They were still bright pink, soft, kissable. I wanted to just pretend this was all fake and just wake her up from "sleeping" and give her a good morning kiss, but I couldn't...

-

       I held her face and place one of my hands on her cheek, causing it to turn a light shade of pink, but when I pulled away, it faded back into that pale color... Her eyes remained shut, no sign of life living inside her, but she was still the beautiful woman I fell in love with. Look at me, hitting on a dead person.

-

       When I was done cleaning her off, I sat on her bed and let my last few tears fall and I looked at the medication prescribed to someone across the room. I slowly got up, grabbed the bottle and stuffed it in my pocket. I looked outside the door and noticed that the lights were all shut off. Quietly, not knowing if anyone was there... I tiptoed to the nursery to look at my sons once more.

-

       They were sleeping, letting out little snores.  I smiled and kissed each one of them on top of their heads. One of my tears fell on Jaivon's cheek and he was about to cry, but went right back to sleep. I chuckled and walked back to Nadia's room. So nobody can hear, I slowly closed the door. When I turned around, I noticed that Nadia's face had more color, but I ignored it. I know my mind is playing tricks on me...

-

       I gently moved one of the stools, carefully climbing onto it, taking off the sign that was attached to the strings hanging from the ceiling.  Then I threw the sign onto the ground. I looked back at Nadia and she looked exactly the same, telling me it was time. I bent down to kiss her forehead and stood back up. Quickly, before someone could stop me, I tied the strings around my neck and swallowed the pills from the medication bottle. I emptied the whole thing and threw it on the ground as well. Her monitor remained silent... no sign of life. So I tightened the string that was around my neck, looked back at Nadia once more and took a deep breath... and you know what I did next?

-

I jumped off the stool, hanging myself...