Missingfur: Greetings, aspring villains, and welcome to the fifth episode of I May or May Not Have an Evil Plan!
Velvetpaw: He's my boss.
Missingfur: I'm her boss.
Velvetpaw: And this episode, we're giving up.
Missingfur awkwardly presses his paw to Velvetpaw's face in an attempt to silence the apprentice. After a few moments of uneasy silence, he turns back to the audience, whilst Velvetpaw continues to look unamused.
Missingfur: We're giving up.
Velvetpaw: That's what I just-
Missingfur: SILENCE! For this episode, we have decided to take a brief break and get something to eat at this new restaurant that opened up down the way, because even villains need food. Unfortunately.
Velvetpaw: I subsist entirely from the tears of my enemies.
Missingfur: TO THE NECESSARY SUSTENANCE STORE!
There's a brief silence as Missingfur stares at the she-cat, before he slowly grabs a button-covered panel out of seemingly nowhere, and without looking, presses the large red button with a skull and crossbones printed on it. The result is an alarmingly loud explosion of colored confetti and a rendition of the happy birthday song.
Velvetpaw: That was the wrong button.
Missingfur: YES I REALIZE THAT.
Missingfur fiddles with the remote for an agonizingly long time, and Velvetpaw sighs loudly.
Velvetpaw: Alright, guys, just cut it here.
Missingfur: I TELL THEM WHAT TO DO! *Turns to face camera* CUT IT HERE.
Velvetpaw: He's my boss.
Missingfur: I'M HER BOSS.
The camera cuts to the next scene of the episode, where Velvetpaw and Missingfur are now standing outside of a large, fancy looking restaurant. Missingfur gestures for the camera crew to follow, and the two enter the establishment, making an effort to glare evilly at everyone they pass.
Butterfly: Hello appreciated customers, and welcome to - oh, hey! It's you guys!
Missingfur: You work here?
Butterfly: Of course I do! I'm one of the only plot-relevant characters at this point.
Missingfur and Velvetpaw stare at him blankly as the illuminati music plays in the distance.
Butterfly: Anyway, follow me so I can seat you!
The three cats continue further into the restaurant, passing clusters of nondescript cats on their way to the table. After the two cats sit down, Butterfly disappears into the crowd. After 0.3 seconds of silence, a cheerful-looking Sparkwhisker rushes up to their table.
Sparkwhisker: Hey so what can I get you guys?
Missingfur: You work here too? You know what, no, I should have expected this.
Sparkwhisker: I know! Isn't it cool, bro?
Missingfur: Don't call me that.
Sparkwhisker: Aw :(
Velvetpaw: So can we order, or...?
Sparkwhisker: Oh, of course!
Sparkwhisker hands them both very large and intricate looking menus, and Velvetpaw groans in mock agony.
Velvetfur: Can I just have a hamburger?
Sparkwhisker: We don't have hamburgers here.
Velvetfur: What? Why?
Sparkwhisker: We do have Slamburgers, if you'd like one of those!
Velvetfur: Alright, sure, fine.
Missingfur: I'll have one of those too.
Sparkwhisker: *Inhales sharply* Are you sure you want to order the same thing she's ordering?
Missingfur: Um, yes?
Sparkwhisker: Super sure?
Missingfur: Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
Sparkwhisker: Super duper-
Missingfur: YES I WOULD LIKE A SLAMBURGER.
Sparkwhisker: Alright, got it! What do you guys want for sides?
Velvetpaw: French fries?
Sparkwhisker: *Inhales sharply* Oooh, we don't have french fries.
Velvetpaw: Then what do you have?
Sparkwhisker: We have cheese boats, fire crackers, rice castles, onion rings-
Velvetpaw: Onion rings, then.
Missingfur: *Face paws*
Sparkwhisker: Do you want spicy onion rings, mild onion rings-
Velvetpaw: Mild.
Sparkwhisker: Mild, mild spicy, mildly mild, or super mildly mild?
Velvetpaw: Just mild.
Sparkwhisker: Good choice, good choice. Green onions, red onions, orange onions, white onions, or pink onions?
Velvetpaw: Pink onions sounds interesting.
Missingfur: Don't encourage him.
Sparkwhisker: Good choice! Now we've got a few kinds of pink onions for you here...
Missingfur: *Screaming internally*
Sparkwhisker: They come in rose, magenta, fuchsia, mauve, bubblegum, and orchid.
Velvetpaw: Magenta?
Sparkwhisker: Also a good choice! And what about you, sir?
Missingfur: Just the hamburger.
Sparkwhisker: The what?
Missingfur: THE SLAMBURGER.
Sparkwhisker: No need to yell. Any sides?
Missingfur: No. No sides.
Sparkwshisker: Alright. So that's two slam burgers and one order of mild magenta pink onion rings. What would you like to drink?
Missingfur: Water.
Velvetpaw: Actually, I'd like to hear-
Missingfur: Water is fine.
Sparkwhisker: Great! I'll be back with your food in five to ten to twenty to forty-five minutes.
Sparkwhisker vanishes, leaving the two cats looking utterly confused. Before they have the chance to begin talking, Sparkwhisker reappears, panting and out of breath.
Missingfur: Sparkwhisker?
Sparkwhisker: I'm so sorry, we're out of what you ordered.
Missingfur: Which part?
Sparkwhisker: All of it. Apparently we've gone out of business, I have no clue as to why.
Missingfur: *Sigh of defeat*
This extra long episode has been brought to you by Frostfire incorporated!
~Frost
YOU ARE READING
I May or May Not Have an Evil Plan
Юмор[Cover and concept by Frostfire] Welcome to our new show, hosted by Missingfur, who may or may not be planning to take over the world.
