Dear Jen

Sunday

August 7th, 2016

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Dear Jen,

Fourth day in and I already forget a day xD whoops

Yesterday, again, I didn't do much. I think one of the reasons I'm (kinda) grateful for school is that it's something to do, and it's definitely a distraction from all my stupid thoughts and feelings. I remember when we went somewhere on a family trip or something, I was in the hotel falling asleep and I thought to myself, "I didn't think about killing myself today. I must be feeling better." But that was only because I didn't have time to think about it. I was distracted by everything else that was going on. The other day I was thinking that that's all you can do to be happy, is find a distraction or two and keep being distracted by them, but then I was inspired to want to make my life something more than just trying to be distracted. 

Today, I went to church for the first time in a long time, and you know how that is. Fifty thousand people say hi and 'are you feeling better?' and 'so great to have you back,' and such. Not all of it was bad. The moment Hannah realized I was there, she about hugged me to death. She then began to drag me to class when Jackson came up and looked overjoyed to see me. I'm telling you, I cannot win with this boy. He smiled at me and said, 'Melissa! You're finally here, it's been forever!" And I smiled back and kind of nodded, yanno, awkward me, but then he hugged me, which was a surprise and a first, and then he hugged me like really tightly. Not so much so that it was uncomfortable, but it was actually very very enjoyable. In the moment, I compared it to when I hugged Dark, but it was unique in it's own way and I've been thinking about it all day xD I'm hopeless, if you didn't already know. 

Lately I've been trying to text Dark with anything new I can talk about, just so I can talk to him because I enjoy talking to him. Even if I wasn't dating him, he would still be one of my favorite people. The way he thinks makes me feel so incredibly stupid and dim sighted. Like he has worlds of thinking that I'll never achieve. And his positivity is so refreshing. He's just a great person. 

But for the rest of today, I'm probably just going to rest because I've been sitting upright all day and that's not comfortable in anyway shape or form. I hope you've had a good day, and that hug will be the highlight of my summer, I'm not even kidding xD maybe a little. I didn't die, so that's a highlight! xD

Love you (:

Mel 

p.s. i like listening to anime OST a lot as well xD