Dear Jen

;(

September 17th, 2016

.

Dear Jen,

So yesterday was...an experience. School was fine and all. I came home and played with one of my good friends for a long time, and it was like 9 o'clock when Dark finally texted me back and said, "I'll be home in 45 minutes. Wanna watch anime?" Naturally, I said sure, and waited the 45 minutes. He gets on the Xbox, and I'm getting excited, and I tell him I'll be there waiting for whenever he's ready, and I look to see that he's in a party with another person. I get a little confused at that point, and he texts me back saying he's talking to a friend from school. So I think, 'Cool, he won't be long, it's probably important.' Fifteen minutes pass. Half an hour, and at the hour mark, I stop watching YouTube and look to see what he's doing. He and his friend are playing a game. And in hindsight, I always slightly react or I feel like I do. But in that moment, I completely broke. I feel so unimportant and ignored. Like how much time does it take to text me back?! Even just two words?

So I started crying and all that wonderful stuff, and I texted him and said, "you'll probably be exhausted by the time you're done, so I'm gonna head to bed." He apologized for getting sidetracked, and I used the most smiley faces I could, for some reason. I can't bring myself to tell him how upset this makes me. I said it happens to everyone, but he retorted with how it's our anniversary and 'it's not fair.' Yeah, it's not freaking fair! So do something about it!!!!! I'm so upset!

I continued telling him it was okay and we always have more time to spend another day, and then I went to bed and cried harder than I ever have. I feel so pathetic that I did that, but I did. The whole thing makes me feel worthless and like I don't even want to try to make it better anymore.

Mom said today that maybe he wants to breakup with me, too, and that didn't help at all. And now I'm crying again XD

If this goes on for another week I'm giving up. What else am I supposed to do??

Today we bug-bombed the house, so we went and watched a movie and did all that stuff. I'm exhausted and have no energy to go to church tomorrow, which makes me feel even more great about myself

I hope you had a better day than I did, and I love you

Mel