Dear Jen

:(

August 24th, 2016

.

Dear Jen, 

Mom says hi :D She and I talked about Dark White Chocolate just now, and I told her about all that's been going on. I thought it would make me feel better, and it did a little, but I'm really upset. 

I was thinking about the whole thing earlier, and a big part of why I can't seem to just end it is because I hate when people are upset with me. I like actually cannot handle it. I don't want anyone to have any reason to be upset with me at all. Just thinking about making Dark upset makes me want to cry. I almost just committed to sending him a text saying that I was sorry for being rude these past few days. What would be the point of that? But what's the point of making him upset? I'm so pathetic

Mom made the whole thing feel pretty small in comparison to other things, but with that mindset, it wouldn't matter either way if I broke up with him or not. 

See, maybe it would be bearable? I mean, we barely spend time together as it is, and I do survive it, so maybe I shouldn't be worrying about it too much right now. But thinking like that, should I start distancing myself from him now and worry about breaking it off completely later? Or should I let myself feel whatever, whenever? Because I don't know how I feel. But a few hours ago I wanted to scream at him. I'm so frustrated xD 

Mom also suggested to ignore him. I like that option, but I also don't. Why do I have two opinions about this? 

I hope you had a good day! Maybe I'll stop complaining so much tomorrow xD thinking positive could help me at the moment (if I knew what to think positively about).

Love you! 

Mel

p.s. am i overreacting? i really can't tell if this is a big problem or if i'm just blowing this out of proportion