Far From Joy » Ellie Goulding [au]

Prologue

This whole book is not edited. I will get on to editing it once I finish it though. I started this book when I didn't know much about grammar, and the only edited part of this book so far is this part.

Prologue

I sat on my bed, the night giving my large bedroom an iridescent glow. My room provided an ever so lonely feeling to it.

The english rain really not giving up as it could be heard pitter-pattering down onto my roof.

My mind travelling to the place where I wish it didn't go sometimes, to her.

I wonder what it would be like with her around?

I opened the photo album book in front of me; taunting me. It had won this battle and I looked at the first picture. One of her playing her acoustic guitar, I bet she was good at playing it. I looked at the next picture, one of her playing football, she was kicking the ball into the net.

I wondered what she was like. What kind of music did she listen to? What's her favourite colour? Where in these seven continents did she live? Were her adoptive parents nice?

The same questions had been circling around my head for the past fourteen years. When I preformed I thought of her, when I listened to my team talk around me I thought of her, when I slept I thought of her.

I could never get my mind off of her. In these past fourteen years to the day, I had always been thinking about her. My foolish doings in Seattle. Oh, what I wish I could've done better would always remain the impossible. How could a twenty-one year old who was just put to a record label be a mother?

She might've been conceived in Seattle but her adoptive parents would never tell me where she was. I didn't know if she was still in Seattle or not. She could be in London and I wouldn't have any way to find out unless I saw her face to face. How I so badly wished for a moment like that.

What I could've done better, what I wish I would've done to make it better, everything I wish I could've done better always circled my mind nearly everyday. She just couldn't escape my heart.

The pain in my heart had lessened by the years but I knew, my heart could not take another fourteen years of not being with her.

It was not possible and I was not allowing myself to let it happen. I refuse to not find her, the only problem is...

Where is she? And will she accept me for what I've done?

Those were the two main questions that had managed the seep into my brain, permanently.

I wondered what her accent was like, did she have one like me? Or did she have an American accent? Or maybe she had an Australian accent? I wouldn't know.

The adoption was an open adoption. They sent me pictures of her once per year. I always checked the mail near christmas and there they were. Pictures of her; playing her guitar, or playing football. She had these perfect dark brown locks, she had these large brown eyes you could just get absolutely lost in; I always got lost in them. She was an absolute delight, I couldn't believe I had created that; I had created this beautiful girl.

I didn't know where on earth she was but I wasn't giving up. You don't just give up on somebody that precious.

Never in a million years would I give up on Taylor. Taylor Jane Phillips was somebody you can't just give up on.