Far From Joy » Ellie Goulding [au]

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Twenty-Nine

•Ellie's Point of View•

November 1st, 2013

"And this is why I keep things to myself." Taylor noted of Sam and I still pacing in his living room.

"And this is why I shouldn't of gone to bloody Italy. You wouldn't of gone to the god forsaken party, you probably would've hated me but I'd rather you hate me than you get sexually assaulted." I replied, starting to make myself feel worse by pacing back and forth.

"I probably would've snuck out anyways. You do realize that right? I would've snuck out and you both would've been even more upset at me." Taylor rolled her eyes at me. Trying not to look at Sam or I, Our pacing was only making us worse. "Jesus, stop pacing! I'm fine aren't I?!" Taylor added and we both stopped immediately, I was thankful Taylor told us to stop. I was starting to make myself sick anyways.

"Actually, El. This is my fault. I was on the phone with you when I told her she could go. It was Halloween and I shrugged my shoulders and told Tay she could go. If anything was to happen to her it would've been on me." Sam blamed himself, when really there was nobody to blame for this. Well, you could blame Taylor but even so, she was, dare I say it; Drunk, and there was nothing we can even do in that situation. It was solely up to Taylor and apprently she handled it well. Whoa, this was a first; Me saying it was Taylor's fault, this had never happened before, honestly, it had been up to her though. If she was going to go to parties she was her own responsibility. Whoa, I sound like my mum, I need to shut up.

"Sam, this isn't your fault. It's nobodies fault, love. Taylor is fine, we both need to calm down." I still had regrets of going to Italy. But, what happened last night is the past. We can act as if it never happened, I want to act as if Taylor had never forgot me.

"Sam. Ellie's calmed down, miraculously. So, you need to as well." Taylor practically ordered and Sam rushed a hand through his hair. Trying his very best to be calm.

"I'll be back later. I need some air." And without any more words, Sam left. Sam put on his shoes and literally left.

"That was odd..." I noted of Sam's sudden disappearance. Sam was usually the cool, and calm one. This was not like him at all.

"It was." Taylor replied. Looking out at the front door, seeing if Sam would rush right back in and yell that he was kidding. Well he never did. Sam never came back in the house within two minutes and I started getting worried. I know Sam feels as if Taylor going to that party was his fault. If I had let Taylor go to that party it would've been me out that door, I knew that very well.

"When Sam gets back here we need to tell him that he needs to get over it. I want to forget about it, you hopefully want to forget about it, he for some reason can't stop thinking about it." She shook her head.

"It's cause he let you go to the party and now that he's finally had to live with you by himself, that he honestly thinks of himself as a dad now, darling." And as soon as it left my mouth, that's when I realized it hadn't fazed me until then. Sam thought of himself as a dad now. Taylor's dad.

Taylor and I were left silent, having a little epiphany. We both knew this. We both knew Sam thought of himself as a dad. But, we didn't think about it greatly until I had said it. I had left myself gob-smacked.

"He cares about you, Taylor. He cares about you greatly, and if anything was to happen to you at that party he would definitely put himself up to blame. In such a short amount of time we've been through some things... And throughout those things, Sam now sees himself as a dad. Your dad." I continued. I was just babbling on now and I knew this.