Far From Joy » Ellie Goulding [au]

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

•Ellie's Point of View•

July 25th 2013

On the way to Sea-Tac, nobody said a word. Not Hannah, not Taylor, not I, nobody.

When I got out with my suitcase nobody said a word. Not Hannah, not Taylor, not I, nobody.

When I showed the security my passport and told them I had a jet waiting for me, not many words were said. None were said by Hannah, nor were any said by Taylor.

Taylor was upset at me for leaving, stating the obvious. Hannah probably wanted to come to Los Angeles and now had to play sitter instead.

When we came up to customs and I actually had to say goodbye, which I hated saying since goodbye felt so final. I could barely do it. Thankfully Taylor knew what I was trying to say, she ran into my arms hugging me for dear life. Really making me re-think what I was doing.

"I'll be back tomorrow, when I get to the hotel in Los Angeles today we can video chat, I promise." I promised definitely going to keep it too. I barely wanted to be away from Taylor. Doing this, I think is the hardest it can be, even if it is just for a day.

"Okay." Taylor said, obviously on the verge of tears, I couldn't see her face since she was hiding in the crook of my neck, but when she nodded I could tell she was nearly in tears, as was I.

"Look, I'll be back tomorrow, love." I cooed into her ear

"I know, I just don't want you to go." She stated, almost inaudible by the end of it. I didn't want to go, not at all, That was the last thing I wanted to do. Leave Taylor with my best friend for a night.

Everybody says how a love a mother has for her daughter is unconditional. Let me clarify this with you, it definitely is. Even when Taylor was thousands of miles away from me I still loved her no matter what. That first week of her birth, I honestly made the hardest decision a mother could ever make. No mother plans to give up their child for adoption.

"I don't want to go either, trust me darling. Now if you need me, I don't care what Hannah says, you video chat me. I don't care what time of the day or night it is, you get out that computer and press one button to video chat me." I replied

"I will." Taylor said nodding her head in the crook of my neck again.

The security guards noticed I was holding up a bit of a line, so they were giving me that sort of a signal that I had to make things quick. I knew it was going to come to an end soon, I didn't want my sweet embrace with my daughter to end this soon though.

"Taylor, darling. I have to go in a couple of seconds." I said, quickly regretting my insensitive choice of words.

"I know." She simply replied, sighing at the end of it too.

"I don't want to do this, you know that, Taylor." I stated, taking her out of the crook of my neck and looking down at her eyes seriously. Thank god for my Doc Martens, I think this would've been a bit awkward if I was looking up at her to meet her eyes. "I do. I know that you don't want to leave me Ellie." She replied looking up to me maybe that half an inch.

"Well since you know that now, know as well that i'm going to miss you too." I whispered, pulling her back in for one last hug.

"I'll miss you too." She silently said and that was when I felt a drop of hot liquid go onto my crook of my neck.

"Oh, Taylor." I said, now rubbing Taylors back.

"I really don't want you to go." She said letting quiet sobs out