Far From Joy » Ellie Goulding [au]

Chapter Four

Chapter Four

•Ellie's Point of View•

July 21st, 2013

My heart ached, it was an almost too familiar feeling. I hated that feeling oh so much.

I started walking back to my hotel. I knew it was risky and it was half past nine now. I did it though, there's always that part of me that doesn't give a fuck when doing risky things, I've gotten used to that part of me though.

Taylor was just as perfect as I imagined. Her dark brown locks parted to the same side as my blonde locks were. Her eyes looking identical to mine. She was a bit taller than me and I know where she got that from. Her american accent was mind blowing, I had always enjoyed the American accent. But, when she talked, everything became ten times better. Had I really just walked my daughter home and she didn't have a clue who I am to her? Yes, it had really happened because she thinks her parents who look nothing like her are biologically connected to her. You would've thought that her parents being blonde, having blue eyes, and both being shorter than her, she would have some clue, they must've raised her well for her to continue to believe that she wasn't adopted.

When I saw Taylor, I automatically was reminded of when I had brown hair. Ultimately, it was like looking at a mirror of my younger self, one who seemed much more confident though, if I was in her position and a celebrity,- which I hate labelling myself as,- came up to me and told me they were walking me home, I sure as hell wouldn't of started humming a song as I walked right beside them for a good ten minutes.

The cool breeze could be faintly felt, It felt like London a bit, I mean if I took my jumper off it would probably feel even more like London but that wasn't happening. I closed my eyes feeling the nice cool air rush against my face, making me reminisce from when I had walked the streets of Seattle alone fourteen and a half years ago.

My brain being clogged up with lies, many of them. Being told everything would be fine, brilliant in fact. Being told I would have help raising a child, things didn't work out obviously. My fault for being too infatuated with a man I guess. I sighed, releasing the air that had been kept in my lungs as my thoughts had trailed off completely.

When I remembered it was half past nine that's when reality set back in, I had been gone for an hour and a half and had given no explanation to anybody when I left. Hannah would probably know, I also know she would be thinking I was going to be doing something very stupid. Which in a way I did end up doing, I mean I found Taylor by complete accident. I never meant to find her, I mean, I did but I don't want to hurt her anymore than I have already. I want to keep her safe but how can I keep her safe when we've met now. I sighed again letting more air out of my lungs, everything was just becoming more jumbled in my brain the more I thought about everything, how completely unfortunate for myself.

I was thankful I somewhat knew my way around from the hotel to here, I think I would've called a taxi or I would've hopped on bus or something if I didn't.

I felt my phone start to vibrate in my pocket and I knew it was either Jamie, Chris, Hannah, or Lauren. I took my phone to see an anonymous number. My phone fear started kicking in and I really didn't want to answer the phone.

What if it was one of the four calling from a phone in the arena? Bruno would still be performing until roughly ten-ish so I knew I had to be at either the arena or hotel by then.

My second performance in the west coast and I simply knew I had given Seattle a better performance than Vancouver or even Edmonton, The crowd loved me equally in all, but I had taken Hannah's advice on a personal level and I simply knew Taylor wasn't in Canada.