Sorry if you dislike the ship Fionna Lee, I'm only using it here for the purpose of this retelling (also because this'll be my Christmas gift to my bestie who ships the two).
Me: (to Marceline) It's good, but maybe you should let someone else try.
Marceline: -_-
Me: *wiggles eyebrows* Listen up, scrubs. I got a story of my own.
|~*~|Let the fun begin|~*~|
Fionna: *white chick fighting noises, throws weird ass axe*
Cake: gg m8
Fionna: Thanks, I gotta do something on this boring Saturday.
Cake: What about that mission we did earlier? Delivering flower crowns to the fluffy ships not enough for you?
Fionna: lol you know Prince Gumball is gay, right?
Gumball: speak of the devil bitch
Fionna: *startled, throws axe at him*
Gumball: bitch how dare you i brought you cream puffs
Fionna: bitch if you know i hate cream puffs why'd you make them for me
*noises on the roof*
Fionna: yo let's go jump off the roof
Cake: aww hail naw bish it's wet
Gumball: as wet as your mama when i came over
Fionna & Cake: =_=
*so yah they just climb up to the roof*
Lee: *sees Fionna climbing with Gumball on her back* hey bae
Fionna: *holy fuck it's bae playing his axe guitar in the rain and he looks soooooooooooooooo fucking hot drink the red from my pretty pink face hell yeah* heyyyyyyyy baeee
Gumball: *hates it* aight bye fam *jumps off roof*
Fionna: lol that's right kys
Lee: Tch, what a fudge stick
Fionna: Gum-stick?
Cake: watch your profanity
Lee: Hey wanna make some babies? They'll grow up to be freaky nasty.
Fionna: hell yes take me now
Lee: aight but first I wanna hear you sing
Fionna: of course I'll sing for you, Lee, as loud as you want
Lee: lol I meant you're gonna sing with me on stage
Fionna: ok *insert ok face here*
*they arrive at the place*
LSP: OMG IT'S MY OTP *fangirling noises*
Everyone else: *fangirls with him*
Lee: Follow my lead. *whip, nae nae, dab (I am so not sorry xD)*
Good little girl, always wanting to fuck with me.
You know that I'm bad, but you still wanna sleep with me.
What do you want from my world? You're a good little girl.
Fionna:
Bad little boy. That's what I like about you.
I really don't mind if I spend the night with you.
So, if you want, how about we get it on right here?
Lee: *turned on, tries sucking Cake's neck*
Fionna: *pulls Cake away* whatchu tryna do bitch, stealing my waifu? nuh uh bitch back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up.
Lee:
Don't you know I'm not ready?
Every night, it's the same thing, you asking and me denying.
Don't know why you're mad at me,
But I'm tempted to take you to bed tonight.
BDSM? Or maybe just casual?
I don't care that much,
All I care about is that we don't do it on the couch.
Cake: oh thank goodness that couch is the devil spawn *starts singing heavy metal*
Me: *whipping hair along to the beat*
Fionna: You know, the couch isn't that rough.
Lee: Not that rough? I know how it feels, because you were on it before. My bed on the other hand--
*censorship brought to you by Cake the Cat*
Fionna: Look, Lee, it doesn't matter. You're just my friend-with-benefits.
Lee: What, like him?
Fionna: No way in hell!
*they have their cute little play fight except it's a bit more...suggestive*
Cake: *notices fighting* hey not now you two
Lee: *pushes Cake* Outta my way, kitty.
Fionna: Bae! *rushes to help Cake*
Lee: Oh, come on, we were just getting started!
*Fionna picks up Cake and they start walking home*
Lee: Come on, I'm ready now. Let's get it on. Fionna, what is it?
Fionna: Look, I don't care if you fuck me, but no one hurts Cake.
Lee: o rly? Then how about I just take her, right here, right know. *snatches Cake from Fionna*
Fionna: Hey!
Lee: UNEXPECTED AHAHAHAHAHA
Fionna: swear to GOD MARSHAL *why are you always so damn hot* Cake!
Lee: You want your Cake back? Come and get her! *summons skeletons*
Did you think I was lying?
I said I'm ready without even crying.
Already done it so I'm not scared of trying.
Drinking the red from your face in one sitting.
You think you'll be topping?
You must be kidding.
I raise the dead up, and they do my bidding.
Girl, I'm a thousand-years-old, but not a cripple.
Bad little boy? Yes, I'm bad, but not little.
*holds up Cake; cue Lion King opening*
Cake: stop with the memes *grows larger*
Lee: *also grows larger and pins her down*
Fionna: *runs into skeletons, battle engaged, cue FF battle theme, battle over, cue FF victory fanfare* Cake!
Cake: *stretches paws* grab my baby paws
Fionna: *pulls Cake free, Lee gets stabbed*
Lee: *girlish moan*
Fionna: *turned on, also moans, then goes to help him* bae don't die you know how much I hate angst
Lee: I'm sorry Fionna, I--I don't love you. I was only in it for the sex drive.
Fionna: same but still don't die pls
Lee: Oh shit Fionna it's just a filthy prank *pulls out* god Fionna, you're the easiest fuck I ever gave
Fionna: *confuzzled* but but that doesn't count you just like whattttttttttttttttttttt
|~*~|Now wasn't that fun?|~*~|
Me: The end.
Everyone at the Book Club: =_=
Marceline: gtfo
Me: that's fine fam I can write my own fanfiction peace
