Wake Up, Get Paid, Get Laid, Gatorade

A Letter To My Mom

Dear Mom,
   Maybe you'll read this now. That's terrifying. There's too much I can't have you know but I'm tired of caring and I'm tired of being afraid. This is me letting it all go and swallowing down my anxiety, hoping you don't read this and praying you never know about it.

   This is stupid, it's going to end horribly, but here I go.

   First of all, the most important thing.

   Two words:

   I'm pansexual.

   You don't know what that means because you're homophobic, hell, I don't even know if you know what bisexual means, so let me put it in a way you'll understand.

   I like girls.

   Girls are pretty and soft and nice and fuck you if you hate me for it.

   Yes, I swear on the internet, even if you think so it isn't the end of the world.

   Second of all, my music.

   My music scares people.

   It's what people call "heavy" and what our church would probably call Satanic. It isn't. You may never see it, but the things I listen to SEND powerful messages that make me happy and feel like I'm not along, like I belong.

   You, my church, the rest of my family, you all do the opposite.

   I'm weird.

   I'm different and funny and kinda stupid.

   I'm ugly and pretty and hated and loved.

   I'm happy and I'm sad.

   I'm not wrong.

    There is nothing wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with swearing. There is nothing wrong with liking girls. There is nothing wrong with liking the music I like.

   I'm not like you, but I belong somewhere, and that's here.

   Hell if I know anything, I'm too young to make any real decisions, but I know what I like and what makes me happy. Just because I'm not experienced in life doesn't mean I can't understand what makes me feel good. I know that other people like those things and I know it's normal. I know my friends have hugged me and told me it's okay when I felt like I could barely breathe, and I know those friends like these things too.

   You probably hate me now, huh?

   Freedom.

   This is my battle for freedom.

   Take Wattpad away from me, take it all away, but I will be the one to win in the end.

-Katrina, Kat, your daughter

P.S. Please don't read this.