Okay, so I'm in a choir. We're working on Remembrance Day songs right now, and one of them brings in an adult choir. Today at practice, this choir came in to sing with us. They brought along their conductor. To be completely honest, she was very nice. I quite liked her. However, she looked exactly like Professor Trelawney from Harry Potter.
Now, I don't know how many of you have read Harry Potter, but Trelawney is the divinations professor. She wears huge bug-eyed glasses, wears about fifteen layers of what is probably nothing but scarves and curtains, and has a strange air of whimsy about her. This is one of the best pictures I could find, so you can get an idea:
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Now, our guest conductor wasn't in quite as many butt-ugly layers, but she was wearing this flowy tunic thing that was giving off huge Trelawney vibes, as well as these huge earrings. She also had the round glasses and whimsical personality to fit the bill. If I didn't know better, I would just assume that this woman actually was Sybill Trelawney. It was insane.
Meanwhile, there were adults behind me. I felt like something was looming over me, about to eat my soul or dog or something. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see this guy that looked vaguely like one of my uncles but with a gigantic lumberjack beard. He looked like one of those guys that you would assume could bite the head off a bird and gain its power of flight.
So there I was, aware and wary of this huge Paul Bunyan-esque man singing his lines behind me. We had to keep our eyes on Professor Trelawney the whole time, so I couldn't turn around to see who it was. Eventually, we were told to sit down while the adults worked on a part and I took my chance to get a good look at this guy before he did anything.
When I turned around, I saw two guys who didn't look like lumberjacks at all. My peripheral vision had failed me, as well as my amygdala. Neither of these guys were the least bit frightening. One looked like Colonel Sanders with only partially greying hair and paint-stained pants. The other looked like an English grandfather. Very specific, I know, but he was wearing a plaid shirt with a green vest overtop it, as well as an old watch. The only possible explanation for the imaginary or simply invisible lumberjack I can come up with was that my brain and sub-par peripheral vision fused the two together, to make up for my blind spot.
In the end, all these people left and we did a few songs solo. Professor Trelawney didn't try to convince us we were going to die because of the tea she had today, and the two lumberjack halves didn't actually do anything. As of now, I haven't seen them again, but I'd watch out for a terrifying Steven Universe style fusion of the two on the horizon. That, or simply a large and scary lumberjack. Moral of the story is that you never know when a lumberjack might ambush you with the help of Colonel Sanders and somebody's vest-clad grandfather when you aren't looking.
