Haha, I'm An Idiot.

JoCo Will Kill Me

I've been listening to way too much Jonathan Coulton recently, and wrote a thing using his song titles. These are all the ones that I have in my music library, but maybe I'll extend it someday. I have it saved in two identical playlists, one just to extend the story. Here it is, I guess.

"Je Suis Rick Springfield!" shouted the man in the pub on the First of May. The Code Monkey, on the other end of the bar looked up from the e-mail he was typing. "That guy's Still Alive?" he whispered, going back to the screen which flashed Re: Your Brains. "He's Tom Cruise Crazy," Kenesaw Mountain Landis whispered back. Meanwhile, a Creepy Doll sat on the shelf behind the bar, overlooking the next order. "I'll take a Mandelbrot Set," he said. The barman fetched the drink. "Something getting you down?" He asked. "My girl left me. I thought she loved me, but she'd rather spend all day with her Shop Vac and her bastard of a side guy up on Skullcrusher Mountain. I tried to make it okay by having A Talk With George (our marriage counsellor) but it didn't work. She claimed she left me because I Crush Everything, but I know it ain't true. Sorry to bother ya barman, but I can't say I Feel Fantastic right now." "Who's your girl?" asked the barman. He thought he might know her. "Baby. Know her?" "I've seen her at Ikea," said the barman, "Baby Got Back. Say, that would make you Jeremiah Fancypants, wouldn't it?" The man sighed. "Yup, that's me, Mr. Fancypants." "Well, don't blame it on yourself Jeremiah," the barman stated, "there's no way in Hell that You Ruined Everything." "Thanks, sir," Fancypants said, finishing his drink. "Here's the money." He left the bar. It was night when he stepped out, and he stared at Chiron Beta Prime shining in the sky. "Poor cosmic slaves," he thought. Meanwhile, inside the bar, "Rick Springfield" was attempting to seduce some girls. "C'mon, I'm Your Moon!" he drunkenly shouted. He was escorted out of the pub.

Jeebos Crust, lard we savour, save my musically-damned soul.