Always and forever Logs

We don't talk anymore-2

They pull out of the kiss and - there is love reflecting in their eyes but then also a shadow of guilt and they both step back from one another, gulping, taking a breath. Elijah now shaking his head.

Elena looks out into the night, her heart burning like wildfire.  She wants to leave but can't.

Elijah moves to her taking hold of her arms -
"I have always loved you, Elena"-he declares-"and I have buried this love-"- he pauses and then continues-"well, that's a lie- and you were right-  something happened to me, long time ago. You see- if I stayed- and I so wanted to- but something inside of me kicked at the bit of conscious feeling that I had left saying- Elena should not be corrupted by you. This great compassionate soul should not be blemished by you.. Not her. She should not get pulled into your darkness more than she already has been."

"Elijah-"- Elena now utters her eyes tearing up as she puts her hands on his cheeks. She wants to take the fever that his soul burst out away from his eyes-

"I have always loved you too- and I just- I  didn't want to admit it. And you left. And I was like- whatever. He doesn't care. Why should I- and Damon was there- and I let myself fall- you see- darkness swallowed me completely anyway"

"I know"- Elijah says faintly tears falling from his eyes now-"I am so sorry"

"It's not your fault"- Elena says.

Elijah sighs. And now embraces her-"Fault. Guilt."- he  whispers out caressing her hair. Elena wraps her arms around his waist nestling her head on his chest.

They could go on and on in this circle of guilt, fault. Once it has to stop. They needed to get off that vicious carousel.

Elijah now flashes back to his last conversation with Hayley

"Don't say anything to me, Elijah. Yes-  I kissed Klaus and we- slept together yes. What does it matter. Your heart has  always cheated on me. Your heart was never mine, was it?"

Elijah was quiet. His silence confirmed it was so.

Hayley looked at the Original putting a small sour smile on-
"They say love is blind- and they are so right."

"I didn't mean to-"he started but she cut him off.

"For once be true to your heart"- she turned and walked away.

Elijah now moved out of the embrace looking at Elena sincerely.

"I cannot do this to you"

Elena knew where he was coming from. The guilt is overwhelming him.

"I have betrayed you, the love I feel for you"- he continues.

And they don't talk anymore.

Elena kisses him goodbye, wiping the wet cheek with her thumb whispering-

"Always and forever"

She walks away, her head pounding like thousand hammers all at once.

Flashback
A week earlier in New York

"I hate to pull you back into all of this,  'lena"- Bonnie said-"but Enzo is involved in it through his family, and you know what it is like."

Elena nodded in understanding. And then asked somewhat agitated-
"Did he ask? Why did he not come himself?"- she referred to Elijah.

"I don't know. Maybe, he just- I don't know. Why does it matter. He made sure the witches don't know it is actually the doppelgangers blood. Freya and I made sure it is Sybil's blood that is necessary."

"He insisted?!"- Elena said pensively.

"Then talk about saving someone you love came up- and I told him about you wanting to save him before"

"You did?"

"Now as a vampire I see and notice things more profoundly about people- vampires, even Originals- there has always been something about Elijah, wasn't it?"- Bonnie said to Elena, who could not hide the truth about it.

"Yes, there has always been something"- Elena looked at her friend with sparkly eyes and the vampire now saw the full intensity of what Elena called 'something'.

Hours later, at her boyfriend's apartment

"How was your day?" -Miles asked as he let her in and walked to the living room with her.

Elena  usually would answer cheerfully and tell him about her work at the clinic. But now she stopped like someone froze her and he could see that she had some bad news, something had happened. Something really bad.

"What is it?"- Miles asked.

Elena stood there still like frozen. Her heart could not carry on with the delusion-

"I just- we- this is not working"- she finally said.

"Elena? What? Why? What happened?"- Miles asked in a breaking voice. She is kicking his heart and she hates it, but she has to make it clean-and she continues-

"I am so sorry but I don't love you like I should."

"Sorry- what?"- Miles can't believe what he was hearing.

Whatever more she says  or tries to explain would not lessen the pain and she now makes the decision -

"I cheated on you"-

It was not the truth- or maybe it was- as her heart was never fully his.

Elena walked out of the apartment.

Now in her SUV she started the ignition, and drove off. Her whole being felt like it had seized all of a sudden and she stopped the car. And just glared into the nothing in front of her.