Always and forever Logs

11 Oct

A diary entry 11 Oct

Elena wrote:

Dear Diary,

"I feel like I was caught in a riptide. Nothing made sense for years. Then a blackout, and that is what I really needed when I look back at all that happened. In my case nothing is/was supposed to be circumstancial. It is all apparently nature's strange plot, Liv told me once, and then asked me if I wanted to start over. Oh, I wished I could start over. And not be the doppelganger. Not have that curse. Was I fated to live the same life in a twisted version of Amara, Tatia, Katherine... Could I have my own?? I wanted my own. I wanted to start over and see who is really me,...Elena.

Going through the cleansing process of removing the compulsion I had asked for was painful, but so necessary. All came back as a surge of thunder.

Why am I writing all this down now, after so long?..guess... I just needed to put it down...no particular reason...or maybe I have 1001 reason.

How do you start over?... How do you reinvent yourself, carrying the whole load of what once was... how do you deal with all the emotions?... I have no recipe. You just sit down with yourself and face it. Simply take a step back and watch all like a movie in front of you. Put things in perspective...

With me it was one morning...as I layed in my bed. So cliche. But so true. It felt like the chaotic puzzle picture suddenly was in place. Universe strikes when you least expect it... or maybe it just does what it wants when it wants and how it wants. It plays a trick with you. It played one with me. Or maybe some things are meant to be and to get them it takes a long and winding yellow brick road.

And love?...

When I looked deep inside of me I found my way...to him. Reaching for him from an endless nightmare. And he was always with me. He. Elijah.

That's it for today, Diary.