We finally have a couple days off- sweet relief! Lindsey and I flew to our next city alone as everyone else would be flying out the next day. We ordered room service and fed each other like newlyweds, gave each other massages that went too far and just enjoyed each other's company. We came up with a game where he would play his guitar and we would have to come up songs about things around the room that the other would choose at random. Only Lindsey could make a song about an alarm clock and a tooth brush go together and sound like a hit. He really is a talent and I believe in him just as much now as I did when we first met. I know it sounds silly to say since we've made it now, but he really is my genius and I'd willingly go back and do this all again for him.
"You're my everything" he tells me, kissing my hairline as we lay on the bed on our bellies, propped up on our elbows. The show on the tv he turned on is just background noise as he couldn't find anything good. I turn my head to look into his eyes, taking in everything about him. His unique blue grey eyes, his straight nose that looks chiseled out of marble, his high flat cheek bones, his soft lips, his strong but in a way almost delicate chin- he really is so beautiful. I start to cry, leaning into him. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I just love you so much" I say.
"Aww...I love you too, baby girl" I love when he calls me that. He rolls over, taking me with him and I'm now laying on top of him. He kisses me so tenderly, making sure that I'm going to be okay. When we are like this, he never wants to say or do anything that will hurt me, even unintentionally. He's the most attentive lover and partner. "I can't wait to be with you forever, just like this"
"What about a family? Don't you still want that?"
"You are my family" he tells me. He always says the right things. He knows our time is limited, I'm not getting any younger and the reality that we may never have a child of our own hits us harder by the day. I long to know what a child of ours would look like, which features we would pass on. I touch his face, remembering everything about him as if it's the last time. I know there will never be a last time for us but the way he is now is perfection.
"Do you believe in soul mates?" I ask him.
"I don't know but if they exist, you're mine."
"I heard an old legend once that God made a person then tore them in half, and we are on an endless journey to find the other half of ourselves. The one who completes us. Isn't that just the most heartbreakingly beautiful thing you've ever heard?"
"Sounds about right" he says, kissing me. "I'm just lucky to have found the other half of me. I feel so at home with you, no matter where we are. When I look at you, I see forever in your eyes. I see our past, our present, our future...I see it all and I know that I want to be there until the very end" He pauses. "And then some!"
"And then some?" I ask. "Are you sure you walk through eternity with someone as crazy as me?"
He laughs. "I welcome it. You're the only one I want. If I could, I'd tell the whole world about you"
"But aren't you scared?" I ask.
"Honey, where is this coming from?" He looks concerned, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes going more grey with his mood.
"I, I don't know. I'm sorry I ruined the moment"
"You didn't but you know what? Let me show you just how secure I am in our future. The future starts right now" He rolls us back over and starts pulling the very little clothes I have on, off. He begins kissing down my body and I pray it ever ends. I run my fingers through his luxuriant curls as he makes the most beautiful love to me that we have probably ever made. I feel a spark inside of myself reignite with him, and I know that being with this man has changed me in such a profound way.
We go on like this almost all day. We cannot get enough of each other. Everyday with him is so special and magical. I try to push thoughts of what will come after the tour ends out of my head, it's too painful because it's always uncertain if something like this will last. Right now, he is all I want to focus on. He tangles his hands into my hair, holding onto the back of my head and kisses me passionately. Our tongues dance together, neither of us wanting more power than the other. We end up climaxing together and I sigh with ecstasy when he fills me. He pulls me into his body and we lay there like this for a long time, only getting up when his stomach growls. We exchange a look and laugh.
"Are you hungry?" I ask and he has a mischievous grin painted on his face. "For something other than me?"
"I guess so. Can I take you out somewhere?"
"I don't know baby" I still want to keep us private and any time we go out, it's a circus.
"Please?" He begs with puppy dog eyes and I agree.
We shower together, but not without more love making, and we finally get dressed to leave. We keep it casual as we just want to get back to our hotel room afterward. He teases me about wearing jeans once again and it takes me back to when we first went on the drive to his cabin.
"Where is our house exactly?" I ask him. It's constantly on my mind lately so my question wasn't as random to me as it was to him.
"I can give you an address but it's round about." I nod, accepting his answer but he explains further. "Since our street isn't really a street and all. I haven't named it or registered it with the USPS"
"I cannot wait to get back"
"After tour?"
"Yes?"
"I mean, do you want to go back? After tour?"
"I just have so much to do"
"Oh. Okay then." His mood is visibly deflated and it makes me sad. He goes back to eating and I'm still looking at him, watching his expression change like clouds passing in the sky.
"I really want to" I tell him, as if that helps.
"Then say yes" He looks up at me and I look into his eyes that get me every time.
"Yes"
He takes my hand across the table, leaning forward to kiss my knuckles and I instantly relax. Being with him has never been this easy but it has always been fun. I always say I wouldn't want to marry or settle down but with him, I might just try.
