The house is complete and absolutely beautiful. It's crazy how much gets done in just a few short weeks.
Late at night, when our little girl has gone to sleep, Lindsey invites me to the living room to relax and just catch up. We rarely get time like this. Karen is upstairs, working and promised to keep an ear out for Aria. We had a very eventful day with all the birthday fun. We have a 3 year old! What a miracle she is and what a joy! Lindsey puts on the radio and a song I haven't heard in a few years comes on.
How do I get through one night without you
If I had to live without you
What kind of life would that be
Oh and I, I need you in my arms
Need you to hold
You're my world, my heart, my soul
If you ever leave
Baby, you would take away everything good in my life
"Dance with me, angel" he says. He pulls me close and we sway together.
"I thought you didn't like country?" I question, my arms draped around his neck.
"But I like this song" he tells me. "Because of you" He mouths some of the words and tears fall down my cheeks.
"I love you" I say, my voice barely a whisper.
"I love you more"
"Forever, baby"
"Forever and ever" he confirms.
Without you there'd be no sun in my sky
There would be no love in my life
There'd be no world left for me
And I, baby I don't know what I would do
I'd be lost if I lost you
If you ever leave
Baby, you would take away everything real in my life
And tell me now
How do I live without you
I want to know
How do I breathe without you
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive
How do I, how do I
Oh, how do I live
The lyrics remind me of all we've been through and all we have ever done together. He really is everything to me. He takes my hand and kisses it.
"The baby must like this song too" Lindsey says, feeling her movements against him. "Thank you for such a beautiful life, a beautiful future"
"You are my heart and soul, Lindsey."
"Happy birthday, Stephanie"
With his words, I squeeze the life out of him in an embrace but he doesn't fight me like he always does.
"Thank you, baby"
If you ever leave
Baby, you would take away everything
Need you with me
Baby, 'cause you know that you're everything good in my life
And tell me now
How do I live without you
I want to know
How do I breathe without you
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive
How do I, how do I
Oh, how do I live
How do I live
Without you baby
When the song ends, we don't stop dancing. We probably dance through a couple more songs but we don't pay attention. He lifts my face from his chest and wipes my tears, smiling down at me. "I love you." I say.
"I love you"
"Kiss me" I raise up on my top toes, waiting for his lips to make contact with mine. And when they do, wow! Something magical happens between us. Everything around us melts away and we are the only two people in the world. "Take me upstairs" I whisper.
Before we even make it up the stairs and into our room, we bump into Karen.
"Do you guys want any tea? I was about to make myself a cup"
"Not thirsty" he says, pushing past her and Karen shakes her head. He pulls me into the room and pushes me down on the bed. I give him a look and he knows what it means. "I didn't mean to be rude but I need you. Don't you need me?"
"Yes, I need you so badly" I say, breathless from our hungry kisses. I tear at his shirt, trying to get it off and whimper when it takes too long. He helps me and I lean back on my elbows to watch him get undressed. "You are a god" I say, launching myself at him from impatience alone. I plunge my tongue into his mouth, holding onto the sides of his handsome face.
"Jesus, Steph" he says when I release him.
"Shhh...don't talk" I tell him, putting a finger to his lips then quickly replacing it with my lips again. We are finally undressed and I am dying for his touch. He intuitively directs attention in the correct place and I moan loudly. He smiles, continuing to stroke my most sensitive area. We make love for hours and I feel like without words we can tell each other exactly how we feel. There is no confusion here in our special time. There are no mistakes, no doubts, no fears. Our connection is unmatched.
We lay in bed, wrapped in our fluffy bed clothes with my head on his chest. "I love you" I whisper.
"I love you too, angel"
"Do you every think about how life would be different if we changed one little thing?" I ask.
"You never want to relive the past when we talk."
"I just think about how we could have enjoyed Aria together and had a beautiful relationship from the start if hadn't tried to keep you a secret."
"I'm not even angry about that anymore. I ruined it all. I've ruined two pregnancy announcements. We should probably not try to have anymore because I couldn't bear messing up a third"
"To be fair, I wasn't exactly forthcoming either time"
"With reason. I said we should take a break and I can't even handle myself. You were responsible, you waited for me. I was just a huge jerk who was trying to replace you. I overreacted to something so trivial. You found out you were pregnant alone, and I said so many mean things."
"It wasn't all you. It was me too"
"We messed up."
I laugh. "Yes, yes we did. And oh, with this baby! What a mess!"
"I wasn't nice about this one either" he says sadly, rubbing my belly.
"I should have told you first. I was just so scared and I was so nervous about our future. I never thought we'd be like this again"
"I'm glad we're doing better. I was so scared to lose you."
"You ignored us" I say, then rethink it. My first response is to take it back. "I'm sorry. I don't want to fight or blame you"
"No I did. I ignored you and my daughter. I think why I did that was because it hurt. Like I've said before, it's no excuse. But my world was falling apart. I knew I would lose you and you'd never want to see me again. Will was sick and I had already told so many lies, I couldn't keep them straight. I was in such a bad place. That's part of the reason why I got help. I needed to sort through my demons and be a real husband and father but every time I tried, I felt like you'd turn me away again. I love you so much. I wasn't good to anyone really. I only went to hospital visits and slept and drank. I actually drank a lot."
"You never told me that"
"I am now. I should have a long time ago. You deserve to know the truth. I never forgot about you. I was a coward. For the rest of my life I will never get those years back. We haven't celebrated an anniversary our entire marriage but I swear I will be making up for it. You will never feel the way I made you all these years. Never. You and Aria and this little girl are my entire world. I want to prove my love to you guys."
"Thank you. Thank you for letting me into your thoughts and into your heart. I feel like I understand you a little more, even if I don't like the reason"
"And I'm happy you aren't afraid to say so. No, it's never good to fight but we deserve answers from each other. You're the best wife a man could ask for and I took you for granted."
"I'm not the best wife but I try. I try to be your friend and your lover and your confidant. I don't want you to feel alone"
"I don't. I don't feel alone anymore" He leans down to kiss me and I intensify our kiss. "Round 4, birthday girl?" he asks.
"Round 4" I confirm. He growls at me and pounces like a wild animal as I giggle girlishly.
A/N: you guys, we are so close to ending this story and I'm heartbroken! I hate to see it end! Thank you for sticking with me! In the comments- tell me what you think they will name the baby!
