New Year's was a dream! We spent it back at our dream house on Serendipity Way. That morning, we took a walk down the road to examine the work on the other houses and they were coming along beautifully in such a short amount of time. Beyond the normal festivities that occur at this time of year, we also did something very sneaky on New Year's Eve- we got married! I got the best kiss at midnight because we said "I do" right as the ball dropped, ringing in 1998, the year our beautiful daughter would be born as husband and wife. We cannot stop smiling at each other, knowing what we've done. Though our families are sad they didn't get to be present, they're also thrilled it happened. We told them we'd have a celebration for everyone after the baby is born and they seemed satisfied with that. We got lots of congratulations and the promise of pictures sent in letters once more. Everything was literally perfect that day.
Next up for us was prepping to go to New York for David Letterman. We were asked to perform and if we had time, sit for a small interview. We agreed, knowing we would be telling everyone the news of our union, not only as a married couple but as soon-to-be parents. I was excited and nervous as the date approached. I bought myself a brand new outfit and Lindsey bought a new suit and it was kind of fun truthfully.
We flew to New York the day before our performance so I could shop but also so we could come off our mountain and see actual people. I was starving for conversation. Karen came with us and sorted our hotel arrangements, meals, and travel so my husband wouldn't drive me crazy. He has awful road rage sometimes and I just can't stand it. I want serenity around the baby, thus why we live in the middle of nowhere.
Day of and I could honestly throw up. A sick feeling lies within my stomach and it was awful. Lindsey forced me to eat breakfast, he rubbed my feet, we made love and got ready to go. The SUV picked us up and took us straight there. David's people allowed us to tape two segments in one day so we wouldn't have to deal with the stress of coming back tomorrow. When asked why the change, Karen told them it was simply my request and thankfully they didn't ask any further questions. Once we arrived, the sick feeling returned. Karen had brought me snacks- I wanted none of them, Lindsey kept peppermint candies with him, remembering they helped with my morning sickness and I tried my best to stay hydrated by drinking as much water as I possibly could. I went to the bathroom, and Lindsey made me a bagel with cream cheese from catering to see if I was still hungry and I immediately burst into tears. I guess he didn't remember what his skank had said to me. Either way, if I never see one again, it will be too soon. I took a deep breath and stepped onto the sound stage. I was shaking like a leaf and Lindsey took my hand briefly. They counted down and I closed my eyes, trying to focus on my breathing as well as Lindsey's gentle opening to Landslide. I opened my eyes and began to sing.
"I took my love and I took it down. I climbed a mountain and I turned around. And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills, but the Landslide brought me down." My voice shook a little less the more words I sang. Lindsey gave me the most loving looks when I would turn to him and as the song came to and end, the lights went down and he kissed my temple. There are parts of the song that were very emotional and I tried to hold it together, especially as I felt our little girl fluttering around inside of me. We perform a couple other songs to use and we were told this take was perfect. I was so relieved.
We were given a little bit of time before David would interview us. We talked in the green room and I sat on my husband's lap, letting him feed me little pieces of fruit. I was getting hungry but I told myself I would treat myself if I made it through the interview in a good mood. We were called back for the interview and the questions came quickly. He made a simple observation and the questions took a very serious and unwanted turn.
"Stevie and Lindsey Buckingham" he says matter-of-factly. "So you're dropping your last name? Like Cher or Madonna?" He joked.
"No, it's the same" I say.
"The same as before?"
"The same as his" I say, pointing to Lindsey. He has such a dopey grin on his face and he squeezes my hand.
"Wow-wee!" David says, looking at his producer, unaware this was going to happen. I didn't want to spring this on anyone so I suppose saying nothing was the absolute worst thing to do.
"Can we cut, Dave?" Lindsey asks, leaning in.
"We can edit that out" David says.
"I want it in" I say, "Can we continue?"
"Sure, sure. Any more news you want to unleash on us? Tell me, how long have you been married?"
"12 days" This gets a laugh and Lindsey shifts uncomfortably.
"Listen, this isn't a joke, I really think we should cut and scrap it. We can brief you and we can continue on. This is gonna be a circus, man" Lindsey says and David nods. He makes a slashing motion with his hand across his neck and they stop filming.
We relax a little bit and David, Lindsey and I just talk casually backstage. The camera men are all off getting coffee or grabbing a muffin from catering so we can be alone.
"What is it you guys want to talk about? It was going to be a short segment but if this is a coming out of sorts, I need to know so I can try to buy you more time" David says, stirring milk into his coffee.
"I appreciate it David, I really do." Lindsey says.
"Alright, so what's going on? Do you want to discuss the marriage then go on with The Dance concert footage and discuss the Box Set? I can bring it up really casual. I was just shocked to see your names thrown together like that"
"I get it. That would be great" I say and he tells me he will talk to the producer and get us rolling again, fresh. David leaves and Lindsey tugs on my arm.
"Stevie, what the hell was that?" He asks, irritation in his voice.
"What?" He stares at me.
"Please tell me it slipped your mind...though I don't know how it could."
"What are you talking about Lindsey?" I ask again.
"I don't know, maybe a little person you're carrying"
"I thought it would be better to do it one at a time."
"One at a time?!"
"Please don't yell at me"
"You kept me a secret, now our baby?"
"You know that's not what it is. Don't get into this with me right now"
"If not now, then when?"
"I, I don't know" I turn to walk away and he grabs my wrist. "You're hurting me" I whisper fiercely.
"I was just hoping it was pregnancy brain, you know? Maybe you weren't purposely trying to keep the pregnancy a secret but you simply forgot not everyone knew yet." He laughs bitterly, poking his tongue into his cheek like he has so many times before. He is biting his tongue because if he doesn't, he's going to destroy me. I can feel it.
"Oh, you mean like you forgot what your whore told me at the hotel the morning before we came home from tour? About the fucking bagel?! You flaunted her in front of me and made me feel like shit. You don't know this but the night before, I had just found out I was pregnant. You don't know how much that hurt! I heard her ask you if I was always that fat and you shrugged! You fucking shrugged, Lindsey!" I'm crying now and I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm hurt.
"Are you kidding me?! You're mad about a bagel?! I was trying to help you! You said you felt sick and I thought maybe you just didn't get enough to eat"
"Sure, and be even fatter and even less attractive to you?!"
"Stevie!" He yells when I leave the backstage area. "Stevie, get back here right now!" I flip him off and keep walking.
"Are you ready to begin, Miss Nicks?" A stage hand asks me.
"Does it look like I'm ready?" I ask angrily, tears streaming down my face and makeup ruined. "I'm gonna need a minute, okay?" The stage hand just nods and lets me go. I push my way through a door and find myself outside. I stand there, trying to breathe. I'm shaking, I can't stop crying, I'm sick to my stomach and I would give anything to leave and try again tomorrow. After just a few minutes, I go back inside quietly. I'm taking deep breath after deep breath trying to calm down. I'm beginning to feel light headed so I sit down on an upturned crate. Karen is frantically running all over the place.
"Have you seen Stevie?" I hear her ask someone.
"No, uh, she just said she needed a minute"
"She's been gone for almost an hour and you have no idea where the little blonde woman with a low, pretty voice is?" I hear her foot steps again and I hear her mumbling things. Almost an hour? That can't possibly be right. I stand up, feeling much better so I walk back out into the light and I bump right into Karen. "Jesus Christ, where have you been?!" I burst into tears once more and she holds me. "Calm down, honey. Think of the baby, calm down. Breathe." We take deep breaths together and I am able to speak.
"W-where's Lindsey?" I ask.
"That's the thing"
"What's the thing?"
"He left"
"Then let's go get him" I say.
"It's not that simple. He's on his way back to California"
