The phone rings downstairs and I know Lindsey will get it and take down a message. He's good about that kind of stuff. Karen is out so it's just he and I.
"Hello?" He answers.
"This is Cara, a nurse from Dr Brewer's office. May I speak with Stephanie Buckingham please?"
"Um, she's not available right now, but I'm her husband. Lindsey, Lindsey Buckingham"
"Are you next of kin?" She asked, flipping though papers. "Oh yes. Yes, you are, great. I called to confirm her appointment with us on Tuesday. We looked over the scans and blood panel and everything looks great so we can move forward with the procedure. There can be no use of tampons or intercourse for 6-8 weeks, she should regain menstruation during this time, as well as ovulation. It's best to use another form of birth control, after she is cleared by the doctor. Directly after the procedure, we ask for light bed rest with no heavy lifting. She can take pain medicine of the over the counter variety or we can prescribe something to her. If you forget any of this information, it will be in the booklet handed out before we begin. Do you have any questions?"
"Uh...what is all of this for?" He asks, trying to get more information. "I'm sorry, we've got a lot going on right now"
"We have a termination of pregnancy scheduled for her at 8 am on Tuesday. Is that the correct time? Did you have something else?" He is silent, pacing with the phone. "Stephanie is 8 weeks pregnant. Did you not know?"
"No, I knew. It must have just slipped my mind. Like I said, our schedules are crazy"
"Oh okay, well if you have no further questions, I will see you both Tuesday"
"Yeah, sure. Have a good day"
"You too, Mr Buckingham"
He puts down the phone and sits on the couch. "What the fuck?" He says to himself.
"Who was that on the phone?" I ask, coming down the stairs. "You look like you've seen a ghost"
"It is true?" He asked.
"Is what true?"
"Dr Brewer's office called"
"Oh no..." I say under my breath and my heart is racing.
"They called to confirm your appointment for 8 am on Tuesday" He steps closer to me and it all comes crashing over me. "What are you doing, Stephanie?" His eyes are a stormy grey and they're so cold. "Answer me"
"I, I..."
"You what? I know everything. You're pregnant."
"Y-yes, I am. And before you ask, it's yours. It's definitely yours"
"You were dating what's-his-name. How can you be sure?"
"He was company, I was lonely. I swear we never slept together"
"Okay, fine" He's pacing now and his dark mood is radiating off of him. "Why? Why couldn't you just tell me?" He looks at me expectantly. "You were sick earlier...it all makes sense. You have morning sickness." I nod sadly, "Why didn't you say anything? Why, Steph? Why? Do you hate me that much?"
"No, please don't think that. I'm just scared" I say, tears falling fast and furious. My hand finds my belly briefly and I have to tell myself no, don't get attached.
"You don't have to be"
"There are serious risks here, I could miscarry or die. I'm not young anymore. I thought I was going through the change, y'know? My cycles were inconsistent and I couldn't track them then they just dropped off. I was freaking out. When you came over that first time, that's when it happened"
"We got pregnant" he says, making a statement rather than asking a question. He wants me to feel, knowing I'm trying to close myself off from this whole thing.
"Yes. We hadn't seen each other in 6 months. I pretty much just found out and you've only been coming around for a while now. We've been having so much fun and I'm scared you'll go away again. I have to share you and I can't do that. I've forgiven you for everything and my heart breaks every time you leave. They did an ultrasound and a blood draw...I'm waiting for the results. They never told me anything. I'm scared to death. I'm so scared, Lindsey" I collapse onto the floor unable to control my sobs and he comes over to hold me.
"Shhhh calm down"
"I'm so scared" I repeat. "Aria is so little and I know she needs me. I can't do this, Lindsey. And it hurts me even more than you have. I can't, I can't do it, I won't survive if something happens"
"Shhh....the nurse who called told me the ultrasound and blood panel are perfect."
"Sh-she did?" I ask, wiping my eyes.
"Yeah, honey. You're healthy and the baby is doing amazing."
"I just...I just can't."
"Steph, we're getting a second chance. We couldn't conceive for over a year and here we are, all of a sudden you're pregnant...this is amazing!"
"I'm not doing it, Lindsey."
"What? But I just told you they're fine in there" He touches my stomach and I push his hands away. "You can't get rid of that baby" he tells me firmly.
"It's my choice. My body. You have no right"
"It's mine. Half me. Half you. Aria's baby brother or sister!" He's yelling now and I cover my ears for a minute, hoping he stops. "I'm not letting you do this"
"Not letting me? Look at our life. We are on the verge of divorce, we've been separated for half a year or better! We live in two different states, you come and go as you please, whenever it suits you. You're living with another woman you cheated on me with when I was pregnant with our daughter, by the way. And to top off this giant 'fuck you' from the universe, you lied to me for 2 years, saying that child was not yours"
"You just said you forgave me for everything"
"Well, I guess I was wrong" I say and he stands there.
"So when you told me we're over...if I hadn't picked up that phone, you wouldn't have said anything, right?"
"I don't know. Maybe not" I admit and he nods, knowing he'd gotten his answer.
"I want my daughter. I'm taking her back to California as you are clearly not in the right state of mind."
"Over my dead body, will you take my child from my home!"
"You are taking two from me! Can't you see I'm in pain too? Can't you see outside of the Stevie Nicks bubble you live in, that you are not the only one with feelings? You're not the only one who is hurting!"
"Leave Lindsey!"
"Not until we talk this out"
"My mind is made up and all you're doing is yelling at me. I can't talk to you right now"
"Then when? On Tuesday some time after 8 in the morning?"
"You bastard! How dare you! You ignored us, you left us to go be with Kristen and Will! We slept together and by some fucked up miracle, I got pregnant!"
"Listen to yourself! You're acting fucking insane!"
"Get out of my house, Lindsey!" I scream. "Get out, get out!" I shove him toward the door, opening it.
"I'm not done." He says, knowing the screaming and yelling only makes me want to run away faster.
"Maybe if you let me calm down, I will call you later. I need time alone" The anger has disappeared in his face and he looks at me with so much sadness and I know it's every bit what I'm feeling. "Bye, Lindsey" I shut the door and go up to my room, locking myself inside.
