Lindsey came home late tonight, Aria was in bed and I was in our room reading. We're back in LA and I found relief here. Our daughter's birthday party is tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited. My little princess is turning two and it's easy to forget that we share a birthday as I no longer care about myself. Her presents from us are wrapped and in one of the guest rooms. I haven't confronted him about the money. I don't even know how to bring it up. I really don't want to fight. I've been through enough and I just want to forget I ever saw it. Our relationship has changed and it's getting worse by the day. We're like roommates who sleep together. Tonight is no different. I know he is expecting it. He tries to make a move and for a while I go with it. He's rough and there is no pleasure in this so I ask him to stop. When he finally does, he looks angry.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He asks me, leaping up from the bed to stare down at me.
"You were hurting me! Every single time we make love!"
"You said you liked it!"
"When it was a game, but it's not fun anymore. I have bruises all over my body from you" He just stares at me. "I know there's something going on and it's changed you. You're so different now"
"No I'm not"
"You're not sweet, or loving. You're angry and brooding. You rarely smile...what's going on?"
"Leave it, Steph."
"No! You're sneaking off all the time, you're mean to me and you have lost all interest in our daughter...her birthday is tomorrow and this is probably the longest you have spent around us in 6 months." He turns to leave, he's angry and I know not to bother him but I keep going. "I know about the money" I say, in a much more calm manner. He turns around to face me and he knows he's been caught. "Who are you paying?"
"No one"
"Tell me now or I get my daughter and leave"
"So you're threatening me?" He asks, seething. He flies back over to the bed and I stand up. I hate when he looks down at me like that.
"It's not a threat. It's a promise." My eyes are unwavering and he backs down.
"It's none of your business, Steph."
"Tell me now. You have seen what I can do when I mean it. I will turn your world upside down" I'm gaining confidence and feeling powerful.
"Fine. You want to know so bad? It's child support!"
"It's what?" I wasn't expecting that and I felt like I've been punched in the stomach.
"The baby is mine. I lied! She said I could pay child support and I could stay away but then later she was telling me she would rat me out to you or the media if I didn't come around. She's been asking for a lot more now, especially since our son is sick" He finishes what he wants to say and bolts.
"Wait!" I scream. "You can't just say that and leave! I'm not done talking to you. Get back here, Lindsey!" I'm running down the stairs after him, my long silk robe flowing behind me.
"I didn't want to upset you. You had just had Aria and I had been sitting on the results. I'm sorry, okay. I didn't want it to be true."
I fall to me knees, sobbing, the reality sinking in. Karen comes out hearing commotion. She comes down the stairs and gives Lindsey a death glare.
"What the fuck did you do?" She asks through gritted teeth.
"I told her the truth" he said, panicked inside and out. "I'm going to lose everything"
"Stevie, what is he talking about?"
"The, the baby." I say. She kneels down beside me and pulls me into her.
"What baby, sweetheart? You're not...?"
I shake my head. "Kristen and Lindsey have a son. The baby was his and he's been lying to me for 2 fucking years!" Karen is shocked. "I hate you! How could you!" I yell.
Lindsey is in tears now too. "Stephanie, please."
"Don't Stephanie me, Lindsey. Just go!"
"No, Steph, we have to talk"
"About what? How you ripped out my heart, threw it on the ground and did the fucking Mexican hat dance all over it?! Fuck you!"
"So where am I supposed to go? I sure as hell cant go home. You live there too"
"You'll figure it out. Why don't you stay with your best friend, Kris. I bet she'd love to have you all to herself." I say, bitterly. "And don't worry, you can stay on Serendipity Way. After her party tomorrow, I'm flying home"
"Don't leave, Steph. Please. I will do anything"
"There is nothing you can do. I'm done. I can't do any of this anymore" I find my strength and pull myself up from the floor.
"Pack up, lover boy" Karen tells him and we go back upstairs. I stay with her in her room because I don't want to see Lindsey at all. She strokes my hair and wipes my tears away with a soft tissue until I fall into a fitful sleep.
After a few hours I guess, I wake up and there's something on my mind. I get up, searching the house. My head is pounding with a headache and I feel sick to my stomach. I grab a cracker from the cabinet and bite into it, still unable to find what I'm looking for. I look out the window and there he is. Sitting by the pool. I come out and sit by him, dipping my feet into the warm water of my heated pool.
"Linds?" I touch his shoulder and he finally looks up. His eyes are red and puffy from crying, his hair is a mess and somehow his features don't even look the same.
"I would do anything to keep you" he tells me, tears falling down his face. I don't know what to say. I drop my gaze to the water.
"Did you say your son is sick?" He nods. "Will he be okay?"
"They don't know, Stepha--Stevie"
My eyes glaze over with tears and I hug him. "I'm sorry." I say. After a minute or so, I get up to go back inside.
"Thank you" His voice is hoarse and I know that if things were different, I think I'd take him back. I would tell him to come inside, we would make love and we would be better in the morning....but not this time.
